Monthly Archives: January 2015

The Real Neat Blog Award!

I was nominated for the Real Neat Blog Award by Deanne of Deanne’s World! Thank you so much Deanne!

First off, if you are nominated, any part or parcel of the challenge is up to you. Questions, nominations, etc are totally voluntary.

The ‘rules’ of the Real Neat Blog Award are:

1. Put the award logo on your blog.

2. Answer 7 questions asked by the person who nominated you.

3. Thank the people who nominated you, linking to their blogs.

4. Nominate any number of bloggers you like, linking to their blogs.

5. Let them know you nominated them (by commenting on their blog etc.)

I have to say that I don’t know how to put the award logo (s) on my blog, so if anyone would like to assist me I would be so thankful!

Her seven asks are:

1. What is your favorite color? I love pink 😀 and I’m so glad that pink is coming out of the closet as a popular color, used to be I was ashamed to admit it! Ok, I still am some, but I’ll get over it lol

2. What motivates you? Pain is a great motivator, I’m afraid  😦 and I would say secondarily fear. Or maybe primarily. Having fear does hurt so …. (hm. Rabbit trails motivate me too)

3. What is your favorite thing to do? Play on the computer, and anything related. I’d like to think that if it was my job I would apply myself to it. I actually do consider myself a writer, so I suppose the computer IS my job. Forgive the caps, I am too lazy to hit that little “I”

4. What is your birthday number ? huh? Age 56 almost if that is what you mean. lol

5. What makes you smile? Knowing my son is happy, and he has the same illnesses I do so that is not as often as I’d like for him.

6. What makes you sad? Knowing I am probably going to struggle w/ these dx’s for the rest of my life  😦

7. Are you annoyed or thankful that you were nominated you? umm , both, flattered but thinking it takes time to do all the stuff and also thinking I may be nominating the same people more than once and THEY might get annoyed! lol

My questions:

1. What’s your favorite season and why?

2. What is the thing that helps you bear your depression or helps you move out of it (if you do suffer from depression)

3. Who is your favorite person and why (don’t have to use a name)

4. What is your least favorite thing to do?

5. Name 5 things that are on your desk right now?

6. If you could go anywhere in the world and had the money to do it, where would you go?

7. What do you like most about yourself?


I nominate the following but again, know you don’t have to do it if you don’t want, or you can just do part of it or whatever…

Blahpolar Diaries cuz she says she likes the questions.

Deanne because I am curious about her answers to my questions

Jami because she has a very positive attitude  🙂

Georgetown Rose because she was so complimentary (would that be the word? She niced me lol…)

lilithkay because she thinks I’m brave

tmcasciano because she too is addicted to caffeine

valery nicolee because she has excellent adventures!


Dawn will break

The photo shows an African proverb as follows: However long the night, The dawn will break.

It reminds me of some verses in Psalm 30 (highlighting mine)

1 I will extol thee, O LORD; for thou hast lifted me up , and hast not made my foes to rejoice over me. 2 O LORD my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me. 3 O LORD, thou hast brought up my soul from the grave: thou hast kept me alive , that I should not go down to the pit. 4 Sing unto the LORD, O ye saints of his, and give thanks at the remembrance of his holiness. 5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. 6 And in my prosperity I said , I shall never be moved . 7 LORD, by thy favour thou hast made my mountain to stand strong: thou didst hide thy face, and I was troubled . 8 I cried to thee, OLORD; and unto the LORD I made supplication . 9 What profit is there in my blood, when I go downto the pit? Shall the dust praise thee? shall it declare thy truth? 10 Hear , O LORD, and have mercy upon me: LORD, be thou my helper . 11 Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness; 12 To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent . O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.

Hoping you guys have a wonderful day., or at least a tolerable one! I know some of you are experiencing the “night,” but joy cometh in the morning. Just hold tight, and love one another,

Deuteronomy 4:29 

But if from thence thou shalt seek the LORD thy God, thou shalt find him, if thou seek him with all thy heart and with all thy soul.


I just adore this blog. From their “about” page: “We are photographers living with or affected by mental illness; supporting each other one photograph at a time. Join our community, submit today!”

Broken Light: A Photography Collective

Photo taken by contributor Jacque who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and ADHD. She is a graphic designer, wife, and mother to two boys. She is learning to draw from God’s strength to get her through every day. She has also found art and music to be great healers and outlets for the soul.

About this photo: “Peonies are my favorite flowers. I love the softness of the petals and the strength of the inside when peonies are in full bloom. To me, they represent the same vulnerability and beauty we need to have when share with others about our illness. It takes courage, but once we open up, we begin to “bloom” as we share and help others who struggle with the same feelings we do. The BLC sight is a testament to so many who are “blooming” as they share and let go. BLC has created an outlet to…

View original post 70 more words

More on Edison, less on coffee …

(I’ll explain. and re: the photo, no I do not iron, but I do do that backwards salute quite often.)

This morning I woke up and half-consciously pushed the button to my coffee maker, and,

nothing happened.

Or rather, a lot happened. I pushed the button off, then on again. Plugged and unplugged it. Tried another outlet. Opened the top to make sure there was water in the reservoir. Wiggled the rubber doo dah through which the water is supposed to glug glug push push …

And nearly cried.

And then I remembered that all I have is $3. on my credit card. IF indeed the card would actually go through with only $3. on it. Which, historically, might not.

Whined about it in a joking manner on Facebook.

Then let people know I really WAS NOT kidding.

Got a number of ha ha’s, and two people offered to buy me a new maker.

Either they love me, or they are afraid of me.

Ate breakfast, then decided to try the credit card at Dunkin Donuts, where it did (PRAISE THE LORD!) work!

Came home and posted that I had spend said $3. on Dunkin Donuts.

And as the Bible says, a number of people who had grieved with me then celebrated with me.

Then I finished the coffee, played on facebook some more, then did the Bible reading I was unable to think about doing until I was properly caffeinated. Listened to some spiritual music including:

which made me cry, as always. I spent some time in prayer, still crying. I have issues. Did you know I have issues? lol…

Then started reading some of the emails I had in my inbox, made a few replies, and then posted to one of the reply-ers:

Thomas Edison‘s teachers said he was “too stupid to learn anything.” He was fired from his first two jobs for being “non-productive.” As an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. When a reporter asked, “How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?” Edison replied, “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”

This is a little different from the quote I posted in another of my blogs. Anyway it is still a good way of looking at all our failures and false starts.

I guess.

Well anyway, hope y’all are having a good day. Mine started rather jerkily and un-thankfully, but I am doing ok now.

The Versatile Blogger Award!

Oh Wow! 2 people nominated me for The Versatile Bloggers award! One was  jillypopmusic 

and the other was The Elephant in the Room

Thank you so much you guys!

There are rules to follow to accept this award:

Show the award on your blog.
Thank the person who nominated you.
Share seven facts about yourself.
Nominate 15 blogs.
Link your nominees’ blogs, and let them know.

About me (since I had 2 nominations I’m going to see if I can come up with 14):

  1. I got sober in 1985, I was 25 years old and realized I was an alcoholic (I’m now almost 56).
  2. I love to write and read and play on the computer.
  3. My best friend and I met in 2000, and currently she lives on the floor above mine in our apartment building.
  4. I married my ex twice. No, that’s not something to brag about but I would rather laugh than cry. We have a 27 year old and he was 12 when we got remarried. After his dad and I broke up again, he said, “Now I know why you got divorced the first time.” In a way it gave him some peace (Kids often want their divorced parents to get back together)
  5. I have worked night shift for most of my adult life.
  6. My most prized possession is my computer.
  7. I am a born again Baptist
  8. I love the ocean
  9. I love photography, in fact it is one thing that helps me the most with my depression, to go out and take photos of nature.
  10. I love to travel, but as I’ve gotten older I tend to get lost more often.
  11. My first car was a Saab (older, used one) My 2nd car was a Saab (a bit newer) The previous owner had monogrammed his initials on the driver’s side door, WWW; so I left them, and said they stood for “Wild Wicked Woman.” I have since become less wild and less wicked.
  12. I mostly like crime shows like CSI, NCIS, etc.
  13. My favorite books are Historical Christian novels.
  14. I have participated in National Novel Writing Month several times, and have succeeded at writing 50,000 words of a novel twice (contemporary Christian). This most recent time I only got to 11,000 words, and it is a historical Christian novel, I am picking away at it and hope I will finish.
  15. … but (a bonus fact), depression seems to keep me from doing the things I love

The blogs I am nominating!

Adopting James

2 Helpful Guys

4 year old adult

A Slippery Alligator Dream

Addiction Place

Bemused By Beleaguering

Bipolar Pinkie Pie

Broken Light: A Photography Collective

But I Smile Anyway…

Christina’s Blog

Dainty Little Secrets Blog



Isaiah 43:1

Kristeen’s Thoughts



BluChickenNinja, and my teen self…

How’s that for a title!

Well, I was reading another blog about the origin of the author’s user name,


She said, “I don’t know what my teenage self would think about all of this, she would probably be horrified.”

Immediately upon her saying that I started wondering, what would my teenage self think of me, and the things I do?

First off, we know she would be horrified, humiliated, period. It wouldn’t matter if I was tall, slender, famous, or what. Teenagers are just horrified, as in not impressed at all, by their adults, period. So I think what she’d do is look at my short, pudgy, not famous, bipolar, Christian self, shake her head, and say, “PSH.”

And the dialogue would go like this. She’d confront me with anger: “You’re still not married? You still haven’t written any books? Not even one? And look how fat you got! How come you never got a handle on that? What a loser!” and she’d make that “L” sign on her forehead, even though it had not been invented yet …

And then she would despair: “You know, I’m depressed enough as it is. It doesn’t get any better? Are you serious? It gets worse?? Why should I even try? I should just get it over with now!” And she’d curl up in a ball.

And then she’d reconsider, she’d get that look on her face she’d learned from all the snooty girls at school. The look that says, “You’re dead to me.”

I have known for a long long time that I often fall victim to the voices in my head. I’ve identified then as my mother, my sister, my dad, that teacher, that girl, you know, just about everybody I ever came across.

I’ve heard it said that all of us have at least one person who is the reason we are still alive. I’ve had a few that, were it not for them, I’d be dead. These were the teachers who said I was a good writer, or, by the way they listened, that I was a person of value.

I never realized, though, how much of that destructive voice in my head was me. Which also makes me remember all the therapy sessions where I loved on my “little girl,” told her how much I loved her and how she wasn’t a failure, and she did the best she could, and she was pretty and smart and important …

And now I meet The Teenager.

Ew, lol…

Can I love her? tell her she’s pretty and smart and important?

She’s kinda mean.

But I guess probably by that age she had already learned to be defensive and closed, with that false bravado I have come to cherish. You know, the person who walks into a room and with what appears to be great confidence shakes hands with everyone, and then seeks out the broken one who needs a friend to talk with and make her feel less lonely. All because she is the one who is lonely and needs a friend. But God forbid she would ever say so.

Anyway … teen self meet present self, I am sorry you are disappointed and closed and defended … I’m sorry you didn’t get to be one of the cool girls. I’m sorry you are still waiting for the day when all your dreams will come true.

But let me tell you what is real about your life and what is good about your life. Did you know you have a son? And that you have made a difference in a lot of people’s lives? How even though your body is bigger you don’t hate it so much? You even have a best best friend who buys chocolate cake and rolls her eyes with you. May I make one suggestion? Maybe take that cigarette out of your mouth now before you have to try to quit after thirty years.

And I do love you. You are amazingly pretty, and smart. It is too worth it, most of the time. Oh, and come meet God. And not the one you grew up with. Come see.

C’mon baby, do the locomotion… ♪♫

I don’t know about you, but Mondays are not deserving of my attention. I mean, are you kidding me? Locomote???

(You just might notice that the word locomote starts with the prefix “loco-“) 

Psh! Fughetaboutit! 

So I’ve found a way to cope.

Think about it. Sunday is a day of rest, right? so why does it take all of Monday and part of Tuesday to recover?

Well, I have 3 church services to go to, plus 2 choir practices, plus now 3 people to pick up early for said practices.

We’re talking 8:30 in the morning, man!

Not that I’m complaining …

Now to some who work 9-5, 8:30 is not a big deal. But if you are like me, you wake up already feeling and looking like burnt toast.

This is a struggle. Because I have what is known as Early Bird syndrome.   I mean, not everyone gets the worm. Right? Some of us have to settle for coffee.

At the mo, I am not able to work. Now I have been told by various authorities that, for good mental health, it’s best to find, and adhere to, a routine.

Well, I have one! (did I say it was a good one?)  I get OOB when I have had qs of sleep,; an amount equal to and equivalent to 6-8 hours. I try to get to bed by midnight, which I do pretty well, but lately i have been waking up at 4:30! Whyyyyy(nnnne!!) By the way, today is one of those 4:30 mornings…

See, I get up early enough, that’s true, but God forbid I should have to be somewhere! Therein lies the problem!

After I, “”quote,” wake up, I then spend 2 hours on the computer drinking coffee and moaning. I must! This is based upon the same principle that applies to starting your car and not running off before it warms up a little. At least until I hear the idle come down. Putt putt.

Wellll, unfortunately, my idle is already on “down,” enough so that it stalls sometimes. And it’s still pretty low when I finally concede to eating breakfast.

Hey, I only want to give those “before breakfast” pills time to absorb! What can I say … wink wink

After breakfast, why, it’s time for my nap!

(Unless it’s Sunday. Then it’s called a “Baptist nap.” Which comes wayyyy too late, in my opinion.)

So how do I cope with my Monday?

I call it my “Saturday.”.

(Do what now?)

And Saturdays are sacred!