Trial and Terror

I was just scrolling through some blogs, and one of them was entitled “Trial and Error.” As I often do, I read something that wasn’t there. I thought it said, “Trial and Terror.” I thought, that’s a good title for a blog.

One of the things that is hard to do is try something brand new. What if I fail? What if I drop it? What if it bites me? You know, all the normal fears.

Another thing that is hard to do is to try something the second time. If it was successful the first time, I might ask, what if I fail this time? What if I drop it? Well, you see where I’m going here.

And what about something you really messed up the first, second, ninth, and twenty-seventh time? Here I am talking about jobs I have had. Oh Lord. So many times, so little time … it makes me want to cry when I think about my resume.

And here I am, at the precipice of trying to figure out, what now? Work? Volunteer? Or just trust that at some point in my life I really am going to get serious about writing that novel, and editing the other ones.

Yeah right.

It really hurts to fail over and over and over and over and … really that is why “Trial and Terror” is a good title.

But there is a dream. There is a place for me. I truly believe that God has allowed me to have bipolar so that I can help other people who suffer. Maybe one-on-one I always mess up with the boundaries. I think that writing is one way I can do it. I think about trying to run a group but I don’t know. It seems like I don’t stay well enough for long enough. It frustrates me!

Anyway I got distracted lol… but I do know that we have no choice but to keep trying, over and over again.

There is also the alternative meaning of trial. And if you are like me, you always feel like you are on trial. Being watched, and judged, and coming up short.

Not interested. In the least. If that’s what it’s about with somebody, then I need to walk away. I judge myself E-NOUGH.

So anyway, that’s all I’ve got to say about that.

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25 thoughts on “Trial and Terror

  1. blahpolar

    I hear you on reading stuff wrong, I did it right here in your post. Here it is:

    God has allowed me to have bipolar so that I can help other people to suffer.

    When I ‘read’ that, my eyes went like this: @@

    Liked by 2 people

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  2. Zoe

    Trial and terror is the best misread title! I often have this happen to me. And then there’s the autocorrect on iPhone making me read like that too.

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  3. Linda Oquendo

    I know what you mean. I often feel the same way. But, just like you, I really try not to give up. I usually don’t stay long enough in groups to maintain one, but I have found that writing really does speak volumes to many, even if I don’t see results through interaction. I guess many like us don’t really like stepping out of their boundary safe zones either. If you ever decide to start a group, count me in. God definitely has a purpose and if reaching out to others through whatever means necessary is what it is, then go for it. Thanks for keeping it so real! πŸ™‚ ::hugs::

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  4. diwanderer

    When I was a training kindergarten teacher, I learned an interesting fact: Children who fail the most are ultimately the most successful. It may not make sense at first but think about building a block tower, the child who tries, fails once, and never tries again will not succeed. The child who tries, fails, fails, and fails again will eventually succeed! As a teacher, I can’t and shouldn’t stop kids from trying and failing but what I endeavour to do is take the terror out of the trial.
    I love “Trial and Terror” and, with your permission, will use it next time I am speaking with a group teachers.

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    1. kbailey374 Post author

      Absolutely you may, Di, and I love your comment. Interesting because my issue at the moment is I am really tired of failing at working (long story), ready to give up trying, but I am working on my novel every day so I suppose that is something. ANYway so nice to meet you, I signed up to follow all 3 of your blogs πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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