♪♫ There my burdened soul found liberty

Well, I haven’t written for a while. Not sure why not. I did finish writing my “Secret Santa” blog, and since then I’ve been on “E.”

I mean, I can think of things to write about, I suppose, but then I will have to kill you invest in it. And I just don’t feel like it. I’m not depressed, I don’t think. That is mostly gone (see previous whining months of January through April)

Ok, I know, it’s not whining, it’s DEPRESSION. It’s a real thing. And I don’t think that’s what’s going on.

But at the same time, it’s interesting that I chose the song lyric I did for the title of this post. I am feeling a little burdened.(“Well, the girl is ‘saved,’ whatever that is, she’s a Christian. Aren’t they supposed to be happy, unburdened? Why, if she’s a Christian, is she so miserable?”)Well, that’s what I think you think. I think it’s a little bit what I think. But it’s not true. I am happy about being a Christian, I am happy I’m saved, and generally I’m a happy and positive person.But this danged mental illness thing, well (scrape scrape) I can’t seem to get it off my skeeee-in!Ok well will yew just quit a talkin about it and write already???

Ok, well I will.

I feel burdened by my appetite for one thing. I was thinking last night, I can’t stop eating! But it’s not just that; it’s more like, I don’t want to stop eating! And that’s the case again tonight. I ordered a nice meal from a restaurant and I am pretty sure it’s not going to be enough 😦

Is it the medication? or is it my soul? my longing, my loneliness? Ugh I hate to even think that I could be lonely. I’m not like that. So … let’s eat!

I also thought that my readers might be wondering where I am, what’s going on, so I really ought to write. Do you care that way? I know when I don’t hear from you guys I wonder. So, here I am! (waving) – I’m not suicidal or even thinking morose thoughts.

Oh and another thing that has burdened me some. I got a credit card. Yippee! You know what a credit card does though? It makes you think of all the things you want, or the things that you want to do. My list keeps growing. I stare at jewelry. Me! Jewelry! I’ve also watched a couple of QVC type shows! One was for cookware! Cookware? I don’t even cook!

And the greatest fantasy: Paris! I have always wanted to go! I’m this side of 60 and I think I will always regret it if I never go! (Should I stay or should I go now?)

But that’s not why I got the card, right? To make myself miserable with want? Well yeah, that’s exactly what I was thinking. I know! I’m not unhappy enough, let’s drive myself batty!

No, seriously, one of the things I wanted to do was put the balance of a high interest card, onto this card from my bank that has no interest for a year. Let’s get that balance down, baby!

So what do they do? They give me a $5000. credit limit! What the heck is wrong with them? They’re my bank! Don’t they know better??

It really is driving me nuts! I guess the time has come for me to send the card to Georgia.

Not the State. My friend, Georgia. She’ll guard it …

So about that burdened soul. A little less burdened, here.

This is the song, called At Calvary

Years I spent in vanity and pride,
Caring not my Lord was crucified,
Knowing not it was for me He died on Calvary.

Mercy there was great, and grace was free;
Pardon there was multiplied to me;
There my burdened soul found liberty at Calvary…

The song is based on Luke 23:33  And when they were come to the place, which is called Calvary, there they crucified him, and the malefactors, one on the right hand, and the other on the left.

If you want to read about how this led to people being saved from their sin, check out I Know A Love!

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28 thoughts on “♪♫ There my burdened soul found liberty

  1. bpnurse

    Here’s an idea— you take your trip to Paris while Bill and I go on our Caribbean cruise. That way everybody’s happy and we all get to cross it off our bucket list. Yay! 🙂

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  2. Quixie

    It’s better not to rack up debt, but of course you know that. 🙂 Glad to see your “wave.” It’s good to know how you are doing as we all know this depression thing sometimes bites us hard and then I wonder…

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          1. Quixie

            Sure, why not? Unless you are tone deaf…are you? But even if you are, how would you even know. Either way if it makes you feel better go ahead!

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                  1. kbailey374 Post author

                    hee hee hee!
                    Cards are all enveloped and ready to go! (yes I realized that even tho I was transferring the balance to the other card, I should still give them both to Jawja! duh. lol)

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        1. kbailey374 Post author

          BTW it is done, I gave her my actually TWO cards (I’d forgotten about one) and I feel so much more free. Altho there IS this 4 year old inside me who is pouting whenever she thinks of something she wants. Poor little dear. She’ll get over it though with help from the Lord!

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  3. peggyricewi

    Missed you. And can totally relate to feeling burdened. I find it really hard to write when I feel like this, even though it’s probably exactly when I should write. So thanks for writing. And I highly recommend a trip to Paris!

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  4. kbailey374 Post author

    Thank you my friends 🙂 and it is good to be missed! 😀

    I do need to whittle down my other credit card after I put it on the new card. It’s not right for me to add to debt when I can’t even pay off what I have already! But Paris is definitely something I can work toward!

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  5. lydiaa1614

    Yes, we did write similar posts! I don’t know how I missed seeing this one though I haven’t been able to catch up with all my reading this week. I love the song and it is fitting for the topic. I prayed this morning for the Lord to take the burden of spending away and I am more at peace about it now. Thanks for sharing and for reading mine! And may we both be healed of this mental menace!

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    1. kbailey374 Post author

      Thank you! I received a letter yesterday that my reflux (regurgitation of stomach contents) has caused some damage to my esophagus and it is even more important to lose the weight and get with it (gah!) I have started tracking my food and exercise again at http://www.myfitnesspal.com, my name there is kbailey374 if you want to friend me there! Ugh! but it is worth a try – and even after 2 days of tracking I feel a little less insane about it so yay, lol

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      1. kbailey374 Post author

        (The letter from the Dr who performed an endoscopy with biopsies – what he found was Barrett’s esophagus, and it can sometimes turn to pre-cancerous or cancerous cells. NICE huh?)

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