I don’t like talking about it, remembering it, thinking about it. I thought I was all done with all that. You know, years of therapy, lost time, ruined relationships, spotty employment… oh sure, the depression, the manias, hospitalizations, ok I was willing to say, yeah, that’s the reason. But, there were the years I spent in therapy recounting what happened…
And years unrecounting what happened.
To the point that I don’t honestly know what happened. And I suppose that is fine, if you close yourself into a hidey hole and you never talk to anyone or open your eyes…
Yeah. Like that’s gonna happen.
So anyway yeah, I am very sensitive to sex talk and four letter words, and it is nice that as a Christian I am not exposed to a lot of that.
But out in the real world, I am. And it triggers me.
Now who’s to say triggering is bad? If it makes you face your demons and heal, that’s good, right?
But if it makes you go backwards, is it so good?
Well, truth be told, I am not sure what is good for me sometimes. I do know I like stability.
But right now stability means I’m not able to work.
Not sure I will be able to, again. Well, I’m fine w/ that, if I can continue to write, and function – you know, take showers, talk to people …
SMH … that means “Shaking My Head” right?
Cuz that is what I’m doing. Shaking … mah … head….
Anyway I had to put that out there. Not sure what to do w/ it but thought it would be helpful to get it out before bedtime.