The Sound of Silence

Silence like a cancer grows …” Paul Simon

Well, I suppose that is true. I don’t speak (= don’t write), therefore it leads to not speaking, and then it is harder to speak again. The silence grows and the cancer is the self- talk that goes on – “No one wants to hear what you have to say.” Or, “You don’t want them to know what you are thinking.” I don’t know which cancer is worse, and I really didn’t think of it as a cancer until those lyrics occurred to me …

The impetus for this blog post is one by a blogging friend, who says that her silence comes from a need to recover. I suppose that is partly true in my case (Recover from what, though? But I feel broken).

But unlike her, the recovery comes when I do write. When I am silent, i.e., not writing, but I suppose this includes not confiding verbally, I am withdrawing into myself, more depressed.

I did ask my NP (Nurse Practitioner) to help me deal with the increase in depression, which I am experiencing “a little bit,” and she upped my Abilify (which I have to be very gentle with – it can be very touchy!)

The other song that came to mind in reflecting about the quiet is a hymn we often sing during the altar invitation time at church:

Silently now I wait for Thee,
Ready, my God, Thy will to see;
Open my eyes, illumine me,
Spirit Divine!

So, silence is not so great, haha, if it means that the Holy Spirit will tell me what to do next (“Write, Kathleen!“). I don’t want to hear. La la la la … (index fingers firmly planted in both ears…). I am living a spiritual life, praying, reading my Bible, spending time with other Christian friends, but I am guarded somehow, lately.

Eh, and I thought my not blogging was just a laziness thing, but maybe not. And I do know you don’t mind hearing from me, at least, a number of you have said so. Somehow, that thought makes me feel tearful.

I had no idea, really, that I was feeling this melancholy. I’m really not! But apparently, it’s in there! (“Ragu: It’s In There!”)

So, I suppose I should keep writing.

I am toying with the idea of participating in July’s Nano Camp (see link if you are unfamiliar). Since we are allowed to set our own goals for it, I think I will work on my old work- in- progress one day, and alternate the next with a new work (featuring Vernon and Maggie Burke, an older couple who have an illustrious past …).

So, I guess I’ll see ya.

 

The Sound of Silence,” Written by Paul Simon.

Open My Eyes That I May See,” Words and Music by Clara H. Scott

(Okay, the song really does touch my heart, sigh …)

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “The Sound of Silence

  1. georgetownrose

    sometimes the words just will not come… even the pros experience “writer’s block” from time to time. when i am in a period of not being able to put words to the multitude of thoughts i have, i just journal in bits and pieces for awhile. i find that at the appointed time, God will explain and bring order out of the bits and pieces in a way that i can then share with others in some kind of coherent way… i also spend time reading others’ blog posts and write a word of encouragement to them… one of these days, the drafts of posts i have waiting will begin to take shape and i will post again… till then, my blessings to you, Kathleen… 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. Kari

    Kat, sometimes I think, silence is ok. Natural. I don’t think we live on the mountain top of outgoing and sharing all the time. But that’s just me. What I do know is you are a beacon of light and hope; even in those quiet times… because your life isn’t just a reflection of the writings or the activities of each day. Anyone who has ever interacted with you; felt your prayers, been lifted by your caring words of encouragement, laughed with you, and been blessed to be a part of your life, can attest to that. The times of reflection and stillness only last until the next flow of the pen as God leads you to share. Both are part of who you are.

    Like

    Reply
  3. peggyricewi

    Thanks for sharing these thoughts I, too, am not writing, feeling like I have nothing to say that anyone would want to read. Maybe an edge of depression. Perhaps I’ll try anyway.

    Like

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s