Monthly Archives: January 2018

Bleahhhhhh

So for about a nanosecond my Cymbalta seemed to be working. But I can attribute the blahs to being sick with a cold or “whatever.” Don’t really have much to say except that hopefully I will have much to say when I feel bettah.

P. s. I love you, too

Have I ever publicly proclaimed my predilection for coffee?

How did this happen? I distinctly remember turning up my nose at it, but, when I was in my late teens, my father was having me get up and out by five a.m. to play handball before I went to work at McDonald’s. Out of self defense I forced myself to drink it – how else was I supposed to get through a shift? After a while my adoration grew. I began to love the taste of it, the smell of it, and of course, the effects of it.

But it turned on me. The over-stimulation aggravated my familial tremor (also known as essential tremor). And it definitely exacerbated my anxiety.

But I didn’t care. By the time these symptoms appeared, I was hooked. In other words, I was going to drink it by hook or by crook. (Is that where the expression “hooked” came from?)

Coffee is actually supposed to be good for you, in moderation, and I suppose what I do is moderate (my neurologist doesn’t agree). I drink 2-3, or 4, cups a day. According to Healthline.com, there are 13 different health benefits to drinking coffee. I don’t really care what they are, I just don’t want you to tell me to stop drinking it. My excuse is that I’ve stopped drinking alcohol (1985), smoking pot (1985), smoking cigarettes (2006), chasing boys (only because I can’t run any more), and various other bad habits, I ought to be allowed at least ONE vice.

And don’t mess with my coffee. I just want hot, with cream. None of that flavoured stuff. Although this summer I was introduced to sugar-free-French-vanilla iced coffee at McDonald’s, and it has created a new monster in me. Not only is it good, but it is relatively cheaper than that other stuff out there. MMM hmm hmmmmmm…..

So anyway, that’s enough on that subject.

 

P.S. I Love You

 

I just got done writing a letter to my sister, Carol. Carol does not do email. Texting. Facebook. Anything. If it doesn’t have a stamp on it, she can’t read it.

I remember when I used to love corresponding with different friends. My friend Barbara moved from Falmouth Maine up to Thomaston. Our folks couldn’t drive us back and forth to see each other every day (gasp!), so we wrote.

My friend Valerie went to camp. I couldn’t live without her. We wrote.

When my friend Sabrina moved a whole 20 minutes away I was crushed. To me it was a million miles away. We wrote. I think we even taped our letters on cassette tapes once in a while.

Sheryl moved to Boston for college. We’d been best friends since Junior High School. We wrote.

Beth, my first roommate, moved to North Carolina. We wrote!

It was no big deal to pick up a pen and write. In fact, it was kind of fun to find different papers and pens to write with. And I loved going to the mailbox and finding a “real” letter! To this day I look forward to getting the mail, just in case.

But now it’s a big deal to pick up a pen and write. And I don’t know what happened to change things. I guess electronic communication is so much easier, faster. And you don’t really have to think about it too much. It’s “short attention span theater” at its finest. I still get the same excitement out of receiving a text or an email, or a Facebook message.

But what does one write about in a letter? Think. Think.

Oh there’s the weather. Work. Church. My son. I also go line by line through her letter (if I haven’t misplaced it, since it’s been so long), to see if there are questions or comments I want to address.

And I always try to say something to make her chuckle.

Really, it’s the same stuff you’d say on the phone I guess.

What’s funny is that half the time I’ve just sent her a letter and she calls me. And I’m like, I don’t want to tell you anything! It’s in my letter!

I guess you could say that our letters are pretty mundane.

But where my sister is concerned, they are just our way of saying, “I love you. I’m thinking of you.”

And that is priceless.

 

“Make Betend” this is you …

Unless you live under a rock, which is under a rock, which is under a rock, you heard about the false alarm that sent the entire population of Hawaii, their family members and friends, state and federal officials, and, I would imagine, the person who pressed the button – TWICE – into panic!

Remember playing “make betend” as a child? Can you do that with this scenario? What if it was you and your family that received that alarm via your own precious cell phone? What’s the first thing that would come to your mind to do?

I’d like to think I’d be working on my phone list trying to convince any and all of my family and friends to accept the Lord Jesus as their Lord and Saviour, now! That would be my last and dying wish and nothing else would matter to me!

So why don’t I do that now?

My family knows the Gospel, they know that it is my fervent belief, but not being faced with a crisis makes the coming of the Lord seem far away, if it is thought to be real at all. My son assured me it was a “not yet” – he has a lot of living to do first before he repents of his sin and changes his life – or consents to it being changed.

But what if that missile was headed for him? What would he do? Would he remember to seek the Lord? Would he even have time?  What if there was no warning? as it is with most people, who simply die when it’s time – no warning, no planning. And certainly no time to reconsider. And certainly every death does not wait until someone is 70, or 80. Many people die “before their time.” But the Bible says it’s an appointment we must keep. From Hebrews 9:

2And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment:  28 So Christ was once offered to bear the sins of many; and unto them that look for him shall he appear the second time without sin unto salvation.

Check out this video for a family’s point of view of the incident:

https://www.cbsnews.com/videos/family-describes-panic-after-getting-missile-threat-alert-in-hawaii/

What would you do?

The Pahty’s ovahh…

Well I am safely back home from the Jubilee! I drove myself up and back, 690 miles round trip, which is a really big deal for me. But I just felt like God really wanted me to go (and at the very least, I wanted to go).

It strikes me at these things that very soon someday we will be having a “pahty” much like the Jubilee. Holy music, holy people, holy scripture, and, most of all, our Holy King, King Jesus! It will be the norm to feel at home, rather than feeling like we’re the exception to every rule, the odd ball out. And the shouting from the pulpit will be “HALLELUJAH!” not admonition.

Because sometimes at these meetings things get loud. We are reminded where we’re falling short. There’s a little pounding on the dais for emphasis (okay, sometimes a LOT!)

Will there even BE a podium in Heaven?

I personally can’t wait for every day to be a meeting, a gathering of like-minded souls, smiles all around, instant friendship and understanding!

Yep, that’s what I like about these meetings! I was sad to leave. But now that I’m home I get to go to another meeting – a prayer meeting at my own home church — a gathering of like-minded souls, smiles all around, instant friendship and understanding!

Now to choose between a nap and a shower ….  no time for both!

We’re havin’ a pahty …

I was able at the last minute to go to the Emerald Coast Jubilee in Milton Florida, near Pensacola. It’s a close to 6 Hour drive, or at least the way I drove it, LOL. I left yesterday, about 8 AM, and arrived at 2:30. Had a little talk with God on the way up, and he revealed to me something that will make a big difference  for me in my Christian walk. Lo and behold last night the preacher hit on much of what God had revealed to me. I love it when I ask God to show me something, and he does. Even though it’s not very pleasant (the information that I received about myself. Not pretty).But hallelujah that God has changed my heart, and is continuing to do so!

One Day He’s Coming – O Glorious Day!

 

Cyberhymnal is a great site for finding lyrics to hymns, and the stories behind the songs. I find this stuff fascinating!

 

This morning in church we sang this hymn (youtube video at bottom of page). The hymn is based on Hebrews 9:28  So Christ was once offered to bear the sins of many; and unto them that look for him shall he appear the second time without sin unto salvation.

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises,
One day when sin was as black as could be,
Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin,
Dwelt among men, my Example is He!

Refrain

Living, He loved me; dying, He saved me;
Buried, He carried my sins far away;
Rising, He justified freely forever;
One day He’s coming—O glorious day!

One day they led Him up Calvary’s mountain,
One day they nailed Him to die on the tree;
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected:
Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He!

Refrain

One day they left Him alone in the garden,
One day He rested, from suffering free;
Angels came down o’er His tomb to keep vigil;
Hope of the hopeless, my Savior is He!

Refrain

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer,
One day the stone rolled away from the door;
Then He arose, over death He had conquered;
Now is ascended, my Lord evermore!

Refrain

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming,
One day the skies with His glories will shine;
Wonderful day, my belovèd ones bringing;
Glorious Savior, this Jesus is mine!

Refrain

 

Cyberhymnal attributes the song’s words to  J. Wilbur Chapman. “Chap­man gave two po­ems (in­clud­ing this one) to Charles H. Marsh (MI­DIscore).around 1908. Marsh then wrote the tune, but there was dis­a­gree­ment over the co­py­right be­tween two pub­lish­ers. As a re­sult, this song was not pub­lished un­til 1911.”

Music: C

Here is a Youtube video of the song:

 

 

Does not play well with others …

 

You know, I don’t know how to be friends with more than one friend at a time. Same as having more than one boyfriend at a time; they get jealous and they expect you to tell them the truth, which will inevitably hurt them.

But some people insist on being your friend anyway and (here is where I get vague) I just can’t deal with being liked that much. Why don’t you just make it like when I was in Junior High School and nobody liked me and I was imbisible. Yes I know I said that funny but it’s because that’s how childish I feel when these particular issues come up. Honestly, it was torture being imbisible, too, but what I go through now is not fun either. I really can’t say much about the people and the issues because then I will be talking not-nice about someone and I’m not allowed to be not-nice.

Sigh.

I just want to play by myself. I want to read my book and that’s all.

Boundaries? What’s that?

 

 

 

 

I wish I wuz

 

I wish I wuz

  • the kind of person who has everything in its place. No bags of receipts hidden in the closet, no pile of clothes on the towel rack table in the bathroom, no clutter all over  the breakfast bar, kitchen counter, couch, and ottoman (ditto on the electric keyboard). … something homey to come home to. Something ready for when company comes. Knowing that I don’t have to be sure there’s no ring around the water in the toilet. The bed is made and you can’t write “dust me” into the furniture. The dining room table has a beautiful bouquet, and settings all ready for a Pinterest-inspired meal. Instead, it’s covered with papers, napkins, shopping bags, books, calendars, a half eaten bag of chips, junk mail, a fan (it’s January!), my laptop, and a skir You know, the stuff of life. I wish I wuz the sort of person that could say, “Come over anytime; you’re always welcome!” Instead, I need 3 months’ notice. (Actually, I can make it presentable in 3 minutes – but don’t try opening that closet door).

 

I wish I wuz the kind of person who has everything in its place.

Or who has one.

Artificial Christian  — The Hope Filled Addict

I’m cheating tonight, mostly because of a busy (but fulfilling) day, cold weather, a large supper, fun with a friend, the emotional release of undecorating the tree and forcing it out the door, and polishing off with some “really good meds” (sknxxx) – yeah, I can’t really come up with anything cohesive. I thought this would be a good read for those who, like me, want to be a true Christian and not an actress. The author belongs to a Bible-based support group called Reformers Unanimous, to which I also belong. It’s good. I’ll explain more later (unless I already did, in which case I will reblog myself, lol!)

 

Please Lord don’t let this be me. Keep me from judging people, remind me that is your job. Don’t let me be a prayer girl in public but not get on my knees in my home. If I’m ever able to do good for your name, please let that be only for you to shine, […]

via Artificial Christian  — The Hope Filled Addict

In all thy ways …

January 3. I was reading Proverbs 3 today (I aim to read the Proverb that corresponds to the day each day. For example, today being the 3rd, I read Proverbs 3).

I had only read the first two verses and became instantly discouraged:

“My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments: For length of days, and long life, and peace, shall they add to thee.”

It wasn’t the “forget not my law” that tripped me up. It was the length of days and long life that I objected to. I am all for the peace part of it, but not so much the other. I started to pray:

Lord, the days are long enough. Why would I want to add to them? And long life? I just want to come Home to you. [As someone with a long history of depression and suicidality, living longer just does not appeal to me]. I’m tired, I’m always messing up, and I just don’t feel like I am getting – or giving – much out of life. So this year, help me to want to prolong the days and live a long life, so that I will have more time to serve You. I know you have work for me to do, give me the courage to do it. Show me what to do, give me the oomph to do it!

I kept reading. There is so much richness in this chapter, I thought to myself. Verse 5 was very familiar to me:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

I nodded. Yep, I get that. I’d mess up a lot less if I gave that verse a little more heed.

Then verse 6 popped up, and it was one of those “aha” moments, as in, “Aha, I’ve never seen that verse before.”

But you know I have. I just never noticed it before. This is one way that God speaks to me. He brings the text alive as I am reading, and I may have seen it a hundred times, but the hundred and first time, God nudges me to pay attention: “Hey, Kat. This here is for you. Sit with this for a while.” It said:

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

In all my ways? Do I do that? And what does that mean, “acknowledge”?

Websters 1828 Dictionary says it is “To own or notice with particular regard.” So do I do that in all of my ways? Do I own or notice God with particular regard in my:

  • Family relationships
  • Work
  • Leisure
  • Driving
  • Church activities
  • Friendships
  • Service
  • Handling of money
  • Care of myself physically
  • Care of myself emotionally
  • Care of myself spiritually

In what ways could I improve?

To me, to acknowledge God means that I don’t just forge ahead with my life. I must “bring God along” in all my ways (paths). And I must also acknowledge that He is the author and the giver of it all. Kinda like at Christmas when you would rip into a present, and Mom would make me stop and acknowledge the giver. I didn’t even realize there was a giver, half the time. I was just so eager to get, get, get!

The verse says that if I do acknowledge God in all my ways, He will direct my paths. It is like what we were learning tonight in the lesson at church about David. He would ask God: Should I go here? or maybe here? Should I do battle with this people, or should I not? We also see plenty of examples in David’s life where he would fail to ask direction, fail to acknowledge God, and fail in his life. It was that simple for him.

Shouldn’t it be that simple for me?

*Prophy prophy joy joy

January 2. Today I went to the dentist. That is probably the most excitement that I’m going to have all year. No, seriously, I hope not. I had the panoramic x-rays, and then I guess they’re called bite wing x-rays, the ones where they angle pieces of cardboard in your mouth and make sure that you bite down on them hard and cut the inside of your mouth, again and again and again. Then I had a quick exam, and I was happy happy happy to hear that I would not have to have a deep cleaning, just a plain old prophy (short for “prophylactic cleaning”). It cost me $20 cash +3 dollars on my capital one card which is maxed out. Yeah I have issues with money. We may well did discuss those. Anyway I had no cavities and did not get a prize. Thank you Plackers! (pictured above)

 

I do want to thank the Lord that I have insurance that paid for the exam, the office also did the xrays for free because I had had a set done within the last year at the other dentists’ office, where they wanted to do a cleaning of my pocketbook. That’s a whole nother story. So thank You God for Your wonderful care for me!

Just another stinkin’ resolution post …

January 1. Would it surprise you if I committed suicide? Look around at your friends. Would it surprise you if any one of them tried to commit suicide? Do you know that suicides are at an all-time high, especially among women? It could be anyone. And it’s sad that when I think about starting out my 2018 blogs, that’s the first thing that I think of talking about.

So THAT was abrupt, wasn’t it? Sorry. ANYway … I really would like to write a blog entry every day in the year 2018. Seems like a pretty good resolution. Much more likely than “lose weight” or “save money.” Could I? Would I? Do I have enough to say? Do I think anyone would even want to hear it? But that doesn’t really matter. It’s the writing that I need to do, that’s therapeutic.
Know that anything I say cannot be used against me! or be considered gospel just because I have written it down. Writing is a process, and things change as soon as they are written.
It’s a good thing God doesn’t think that way. His Word is true, period. It doesn’t change as soon as it’s written down. And I like that.