Does anyone else have difficulty with knowing which to use? I really don’t know. For example in the last post, I chose addiction, Reformers Unanimous, Christian, etc. I didn’t know which to call a tag and which to call a category. Help! Thanks!
Hyyyyyup! (polishes fingernails on vest, then blows on them …)
This Award is created to highlight and promote Inspiring Bloggers. The design for the STARLIGHT Bloggers Award has been created from YesterdayAfter. It is a Copyright image you cannot alter or change it in any way, just pass it to others that deserve this award. Copyright 2015 © YesterdayAfter.com – Design by Carolina Russo
Wow! Nominated for an award. This was a nomination by Gray Clouds / Clear Skies,or should I just say it’s from a new friend named Peggy. She writes about her depression and the ways and means she is fighting, hard! to get through it! She is a light, even when she is feeling down! Love you Peggy and so thankful you are on this walk with Christ with me!
To receive this award, there are certain criteria I must follow. So let me post those first.
•”Nominate your 6 favorite bloggers! In your nominees I would like for you to think of the light emanating from the stars – the ones that truly touch your soul with their work, the ones that are the light for you – a true STARLIGHT Blogger.
•Thank the giver and link their Blog to your post.
•Answer the 3 new questions from your nominator given to you.
•Please Pass the award on to 6 or more other Bloggers of your choice and let them know that they have been nominated by you.
- Include the logo of the award in a post or on your Blog, please never alter the logo. Please don’t delete this note: the design for the STARLIGHT Bloggers Award has been created from YesterdayAfter is a Copyright image you cannot alter or change it in any way just pass it to others that deserve this award. Copyright 2015 © YesterdayAfter.com – Design by Carolina Russo”
The questions from Peggy and my answers:
1. What impact do you hope to have through your blog?
When I started, my aim was to be to others what I was finding lacking myself: I believe that all of us who are saved are “The Church” and I want to be “The Church’s” response to mental illness. To be knowledgeable, not just supportive. And as a survivor of mental illness, I can be more empathetic than those who have not been there.
Of course, I also want to amuse and entertain, and inspire.
I hope I’m accomplishing these things!
2. What’s something about you that we don’t know from your blog or About Me page? Funny or serious, please share!
I suppose you don’t know that I am one of 10 kids! I have 2 sisters and 7 brothers!
3. Who is your hero/heroine and why? What specific impact did s/he have on you?
I have had many. Of course, Jesus is a hero to me, no one else has laid down their life for me nor will they.
Then I think of the heroes of my childhood – I loved reading their stories, like Helen Keller, Anne Frank, and Laura Ingalls. Their strong survivor spirit. I came to admire Corrie Ten Boom and Joni Eareckson Tada when I became a Christian. I admire my pastor for his genuine love for people. There are many others, some of which I will post below in my list of bloggers!
BONUS QUESTION from Peggy: (Is writing a book the dream of every blogger? I ask sincerely! Please post – anyone! – if this is true of you. What is your book about?)
I have always wanted to write! From early on, I wrote stories in little books, and I planned to do the same when I grew up. Later, I wanted to write an autobiography. Then I decided I wasn’t that fascinating, but I did want to write novels, and maybe include details from my life. Now I am interested in writing the book that I can’t find – the resource book for Christians suffering from bipolar illness. Maybe I will write one for each of the major mental illnesses. Who knows!
My questions for my nominees:
1. When you were growing up, what was your favorite story you told about yourself or your family, and why?
2. What impact do you hope to have with your blog?
3. Have you dreamt of writing a book? If so, what is your book about? If not, what is your dream?
So – since I can’t nominate Peggy – and I can’t nominate Julie – here are 6 others bloggers whom I enjoy reading, am inspired by, and consider that the insights they share to be “a light for me:”
1. I’d first like to nominate Lilka, who writes a wonderful devotional at B is for blessed! She also advocates for autism and special needs and this ranks her high in my book! Thank you Lilka!
2. Then there’s Church4EveryChild This website helps churches pursue kids with mental illness, trauma or developmental disabilities and their families. Even if you don’t have children, you can appreciate how much this help would have helped you when you were younger. You never know if your knowledge might help someone else at some point in time.
3. You’ve got to check out The OCD Christian. You’d be amazed at how many of us there are! This blog gives so much help and peace to those who suffer!
4. Check out Matt the Bun, also known as Pastor Matty in his youth group circle. He has some great insight into love, loss, marriage, and working with youth. He’s a great soul as well!
5. Here’s one of my favorite new blogs, Truth in Palmyra! This is a no-nonsense Biblical guy with a great sense of humor. I know! Check him out, you won’t be sorry!
6. Finally, do you love Pinterest, but want a place that is clean and refreshing, God centered? Check out the GodInterest Blog!
Thanks in advance to those nominees who choose to participate! and thanks again Peggy! Please check out and support the blogs I’ve outlined above and give them a shout out! Tell em I sent ya!
I am going to take a wee break from blogging for a while and get some things sorted out, I PROMISE this is not a suicide note by any stretch. I will be back by when I can but I really need a break for a bit. I do have a few of your email addys and I am sure I will be posting once in a while when I can. Just have some personal work I need to do (I’m sure y’all know about THAT lol)
I have not set down and written consistently on the blog in sometime. For this forgive me if I left some of you wondering. The Lord had me going in other directions. I try never to write to my readers unless God has specifically laid something on my heart. Usually that something is for me and I in turn share with you my good friends.
When Paul posted the opportunity to be a part of the Secret Santa posts on others blogs. I felt compelled to write. It was a opportunity to reach a wider audience. Thank you, Paul for being obedient. I would like to ask the Lord to be with me as I write this article on mercy and redemption. I also would like to thank the folks that created spell checker – it saves me! Without it no one would be able to read my ramblings.
When I think about mercy I think about something that I want to be given to me when I need it but at times I find it hard to give back to others. I am being honest here, don’t anyone go super religious on me. After a while the Lord is Abel to persuade me to give mercy to others, he reminds me that He has given it to me. I think it is important to take notice that initially though I do not always give mercy.
I believe this comes about because I have not come into my fullness in Christ as of yet, that and the natural sin in the fallen world of which I am a part of. Most of us are just a tad bit slow to give mercy when someone or something offends us.
What about the wife or husband, maybe a neighbor that is always turning everything upside down. Oh! Let’s not even mention the good Christians at our church that constantly offend us.
Pastors being offended because of the saints that are a real deal and saints that are offended because the pastor did not say hello to me. Sound familiar? The truth is that I could honestly write a book on the lack of mercy given to one another in this world today.
There is another image that comes to my mind when I think of mercy. That is the image of Christ. To me Christ is mercy complete. Where would Israel be if God had showed no mercy?
See a picture of God coming down off Mount Sinai and finding Israel building golden calves. God told Moses to leave him alone he was going to wipe these stubborn people out. If Moses had not interceded for these three million people it would have been over for them. Moses prayers and intercession on their behalf led God to have mercy on them.
It is good for Christians to strive towards being as Christlike as they possibly can. If Jesus had not died on the cross where would mercy be? If we had no one to intercede for us where would mercy be? In order for us to be merciful we must first love.
I believe God has always loved mankind and desires a relationship with them all. This is why he showed mercy so many times since the beginning of creation. Why his son died for us mercy.
You may be a pastor of a church or an intercessor or a parent. Nevertheless, whatever you are praying for, you must have this attitude: “Lord, I am not letting You alone concerning this people.”
Never pray for judgment or wrath; always pray for mercy. Agree with God that wrath is justified because of man’s sin, yet plead with God for mercy to come. Such is the heart that brings heaven to earth and fulfilment to promises.
Read in awe the result of Moses’ intercession: “So the Lord changed His mind about the harm which He said He would do to His people” (Exod. 32:14).
If we have a grudge or hard heart towards someone and we do not ask forgiveness or try to restore that relationship. Have we shown mercy? You see – the real truth is we hold in our own hands the power to give life literally or take it away.
We can choose to restore or tear down. God calls it murder when we refuse mercy to others. We ruin their quality of life. You might say that’s a little far-fetched. Really?
Let’s say someone is gossiping about you because of something you said to offend them. Spreading rumors and lies about you. Would you be angry? Well with that comes bitterness and judgment. I wonder then if that might just cause the quality of life that Jesus had intended for you to cease to be. In essence. “murder” – and God does not take this lightly.
Remember God is in the restoration frame of mind.
We can and must be a Christlike image as much as spiritually possible. If we walk in the spirit with God then he will cause us to be Christlike. Yes, we will make mistakes and not always do what’s right.
We will however have the chance to show mercy and cause restoration.
With mercy and restoration comes a redemptive power of love. It will unite us where lack of mercy will divide us. This is exactly who God the father His son Jesus and the Holy Spirit are: Love, Mercy and Restoration. Redeeming and uniting mankind for eternity.
Please be encouraged dear readers. I know for a fact, that in spite of what we feel see or hear, Jesus has already redeemed mankind. We just have to belief this and trust The Holy Spirit to lead us down the right road in life. Putting one foot in front of the other and daily trusting him to see us home. The work has been done.
Let’s not tear it down but build it up. Let’s pray and intercede for those that offend us and are lost. Remember they may not know Jesus. We don’t know what’s going on in their life right now. If you do get upset and decide to hold a grudge or show no mercy, please remember Jesus and set it right quickly so you can be restored as well as the other.
This is the blog tour referred to in my re-blog yesterday. I’d love to invite you to join my blog tour which is going to be the grandest event, coming to your town, this May/June! So gear up, people! I’m looking for 4 or 5 of you to join, so let me know! Feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you would prefer!
Please don’t be shy or think you’re not good enough! You are, trust me! If you’re not technically a “writer,” that’s fine too; you’re a blogger! Own it! This is a great way to get your blog known and also to help your friends’ blogs to get out there!
I want to thank Theya Catalan of A Caffeinated Blog for inviting me to join her on this blog tour!
Let’s start with the Rules: Pass the tour on up to four of your own bloggers. Give them the rules and a specific Monday to post (although that is open, as long as you finish by the end of June). Answer the four questions below about your creative process, that lets other bloggers and visitors know what inspires you to do what you do. Compose a one-time post on a specific Monday. Again, I am not too worried about the “when.” Just make sure that everybody links back to me, so I can read everyone’s blogs!
1. What am I working on at the moment?
I am working on a Christian historical novel, set in Portland Maine in the 1850’s. Twenty year old Bridget Purcell hops on a train to go cross country from Oregon to take care of her aunt, who has broken a leg and is bedridden – and very demanding! But Bridget has a kind and patient demeanor and gets along with almost anyone – so she thinks. On the train she meets Josiah and Thomas, who also live in Portland. Josiah is an architect who is most awkward and annoying, and Thomas is an inventor who hopes to work for Josiah’s boss.
2. How does my work differ from others in my genre?
I’m hoping that this book will be exciting as well as informative. It’s been fun to write so far and I’ve already learned a lot, myself. My characters have surprised me more than once! It is a Christian novel, but it’s not preachy – just clean and entertaining!
Christian historical is also not my only genre. My first two books are contemporary. Stay tuned for more information!
3. How does my writing and creative process work?
I find that I do well having friendships with other writers who have various levels of expertise as writers, both beginners and experienced, published writers. We compare techniques with one another and cheer one another on. Sometimes we just chat and relax in between chapters. We even set the timer sometimes and do word sprints, and you’d be surprised what comes out when you are not trying to be “great!” Sometimes the creative part of me just wants to let loose!
I can write at any time of the day, but I need plenty of coffee on board! I also do better if I don’t give away too much of the story before it is polished and pretty, and pretty much ready to roll.
My writing used to be quite autobiographical. Now it has just a few personal touches that make me giggle, as if I have a secret.
4. Why do I write?
From the time I could read, I wanted to write. As a child I kept journals, and when I couldn’t find the words, I would draw. I made little books of stories and gave them to my mother. I wrote poetry full of angst and pain when I was much younger. Now I just like to develop characters who live unique lives and situations; they become real to me, and, I hope, will become real to you as well.
Writing is definitely an escape, a wonderful visitation with other worlds and different lives. It is a way to travel and dream, all without leaving my house!
Now, I’d like to nominate following fellow bloggers:
Ah, this is where you come in. If you wish to participate, and I hope that you do, please answer the 4 questions listed above that I’ve answered. You can also add answers to your own questions if you wish!
Please let me know if you’d like to “play!”
Well, I haven’t written for a while. Not sure why not. I did finish writing my “Secret Santa” blog, and since then I’ve been on “E.”
I mean, I can think of things to write about, I suppose, but then I will have to
kill you invest in it. And I just don’t feel like it. I’m not depressed, I don’t think. That is mostly gone (see previous whining months of January through April)
Ok, I know, it’s not whining, it’s DEPRESSION. It’s a real thing. And I don’t think that’s what’s going on.
But at the same time, it’s interesting that I chose the song lyric I did for the title of this post. I am feeling a little burdened.(“Well, the girl is ‘saved,’ whatever that is, she’s a Christian. Aren’t they supposed to be happy, unburdened? Why, if she’s a Christian, is she so miserable?”)Well, that’s what I think you think. I think it’s a little bit what I think. But it’s not true. I am happy about being a Christian, I am happy I’m saved, and generally I’m a happy and positive person.But this danged mental illness thing, well (scrape scrape) I can’t seem to get it off my skeeee-in!Ok well will yew just quit a talkin about it and write already???
Ok, well I will.
I feel burdened by my appetite for one thing. I was thinking last night, I can’t stop eating! But it’s not just that; it’s more like, I don’t want to stop eating! And that’s the case again tonight. I ordered a nice meal from a restaurant and I am pretty sure it’s not going to be enough 😦
Is it the medication? or is it my soul? my longing, my loneliness? Ugh I hate to even think that I could be lonely. I’m not like that. So … let’s eat!
I also thought that my readers might be wondering where I am, what’s going on, so I really ought to write. Do you care that way? I know when I don’t hear from you guys I wonder. So, here I am! (waving) – I’m not suicidal or even thinking morose thoughts.
Oh and another thing that has burdened me some. I got a credit card. Yippee! You know what a credit card does though? It makes you think of all the things you want, or the things that you want to do. My list keeps growing. I stare at jewelry. Me! Jewelry! I’ve also watched a couple of QVC type shows! One was for cookware! Cookware? I don’t even cook!
And the greatest fantasy: Paris! I have always wanted to go! I’m this side of 60 and I think I will always regret it if I never go! (Should I stay or should I go now?)
But that’s not why I got the card, right? To make myself miserable with want? Well yeah, that’s exactly what I was thinking. I know! I’m not unhappy enough, let’s drive myself batty!
No, seriously, one of the things I wanted to do was put the balance of a high interest card, onto this card from my bank that has no interest for a year. Let’s get that balance down, baby!
So what do they do? They give me a $5000. credit limit! What the heck is wrong with them? They’re my bank! Don’t they know better??
It really is driving me nuts! I guess the time has come for me to send the card to Georgia.
Not the State. My friend, Georgia. She’ll guard it …
So about that burdened soul. A little less burdened, here.
This is the song, called At Calvary
Years I spent in vanity and pride,
Caring not my Lord was crucified,
Knowing not it was for me He died on Calvary.
Mercy there was great, and grace was free;
Pardon there was multiplied to me;
There my burdened soul found liberty at Calvary…
The song is based on Luke 23:33 And when they were come to the place, which is called Calvary, there they crucified him, and the malefactors, one on the right hand, and the other on the left.
If you want to read about how this led to people being saved from their sin, check out I Know A Love!
Some of my friends will announce at the beginning of a post, “Trigger Warning!” when they’re about to write about something like suicide, or PTSD triggers, or the like.
Well I’d like to announce, “Scripture Warning!” Although, there aren’t many, and they aren’t too heavy, for those who are leery of that type of thing.
I have 3 (maybe four) blog posts on the fire that I am waiting to write, and I’m feeling a little pressure! The more serious ones I like to have a block of time to write, and to really concentrate. (I don’t want you to think I’m a total nimwit when I finally write them).
One has to do with the Secret Santa post I reblogged recently.
Another (maybe two posts) is to finish the After Midnight series, in which I talk about the origin of the title of this blog.
Then there is another “serious” (It’s all relative) post, but I forget what it was. It’s written down somewhere. I think. Give me a break! I woke up rudely at 4:30 a.m. with a charlie horse (capital C?) 😦 I am not all there yet!
So, to catch you up. I have had 2 very sweet days! Saturday I think I might have mentioned – hanging out with my son, great weather, doing some work for the church, going to coffee w/ a few friends, then a family birthday party. It was awesome!
Sunday a little pressure. It is always busy on Sunday, but I really enjoyed it: A couple of church services, seeing my son again, a sweet little nap, great weather again. I tell ya it’s been a while since I’ve had 2 really good days in a row. And I really like it!
Today will be busy, but I plan to try not to complain, and just to love it.
This is a sure plan for disaster, right? I mean, if I do wind up having three good days in a row – well, we all know that that must mean I’m manic. HAHAHA!
Anyway, I hope you all have a really good day! Here is the song (lyrics and video) that is referenced in the title. It’s the first song that was running through my head so far – and how I feel at the mo. I think we sang it at church yesterday. The youtube video plays a little stuffier version of the song than I would like, but you get the gist. God is good!
Here are two verses of scripture that the song is based upon. And pardon the formatting! I can’t seem to fix it:
And if no one has told you yet today that they love you, let me be the first!
- I’ve found a Friend, who is all to me,
His love is ever true;
I love to tell how He lifted me
And what His grace can do for you.
Saved by His pow’r divine,
Saved to new life sublime!
Life now is sweet and my joy is complete,
For I’m saved, saved, saved!
- He saves me from every sin and harm,
Secures my soul each day;
I’m leaning strong on His mighty arm;
I know He’ll guide me all the way.
- When poor and needy and all alone,
In love He said to me,
“Come unto Me and I’ll lead you home,
To live with Me eternally.”
I’ve forgotten you
I’ve forgotten every single time you’ve read me
I don’t miss it like you think I do
I’ve forgotten you
How you’ve read me and it felt like it’s what you were born to do
If I lie enough it might come true, I’ve forgotten you
My friend Lily has had a couple of blogging parties and it was so fun and interesting to read everyone’s posts! The good thing about a blogging party is that you can get the word out about your blog! And if you’re a new blogger, make sure you get out and go visiting the blogs that are posted here!
So the way you do it is to tell people what you blog about and leave your blog’s web address!
You guys are not mere numbers to me, I have come to know and enjoy so many of you! I hope to learn more as we “socialize.” Grab some cheese and crackers, no whine though… Soda’s in the cooler and there’s a great view from the balcony outside!
I’ll start us off, I’m Kathy and I write about being bipolar, being a Christian, and writing (I am working hard at becoming a novelist). I also write about random things like the weather, my favorite colors, and stress incontinence. Ok I just threw that in to throw you off, but I really have!
Ok, your turn! and make sure to check your blogging link to see if it works!
First off, as I keep telling you, I love you guys, my blogging friends!: My readers, and those I read. I truly do. But I am not getting anything done here, and I may as well eliminate one of my excuses right now, so that I can move on to a newer, or truer, one.
I have almost 250 followers, hallelujah! And I have a policy of following those who follow me. I try to follow those who “like” me. Who comment on me. Who even blink at me. It’s only fair.
Soooo when I open my gmail I am amazed/happy/overwhelmed. And I open my gmail many times a day.
Before you jump up and say it let me tell you that I just did what most of you were going to say: I changed the notification whoosiewhatses on my reader.
So, from now on, I will go to my dashboard, go to my reader, and read.
(Sounds good, anyway).
At least that way my email account will be less intimidating!
I really want to follow/read every single one of you! Every time you post! I do! But for now I will have to just do what I can.
Your mission, then, is to jostle your way into the proper position, so that you are within reach before I open my reader, and before the clock says “STOP! You have this, this, this, and this to accomplish before you finish your day!”
- Read and study the Bible
- Restore/maintain some kind of order in your, I mean my, apartment.
- Which should maybe be 3: WRITE at least 1000 words or EDIT at least 2000 words or EVEN both.
- Which means I need to get organized and USE the spreadsheet one of my writer friends sent me that will help me to do so.
- I am sure there is something else I am forgetting, well, I suppose, my other “work,” my hygienic pursuits, maintain my IRL friendships, oh you know… the other not so important stuff.
- Am I through yet? I’ve got to pee.
Um, yeah. That is a lot more “thises” than I listed; sorry.
Anyway. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I really have gotten disorganized since I started blogging, and I need to get back into life! As June Allyson would say…
And hey! You all need to too! So don’t you be pointing no finners at me! After all, if I was writing as much as I was apposed to, I wouldn’t be talking dis … er, this way!
I’m reading this blog and it goes like in this direction, and I’m like, uh huh.
And then it goes in that direction and I’m like, yah.
Then it goes in another direction and i”m like, huh, what?
And then! in yet another direction!
And I’m like, uh, I’m not really following you…
And then the light bulb goes off.
“I’m not really following you.” as in blog post? As in follow?
Ok well I guess you just had to be there.
Hope you had a nice Easter! 🙂
I was nominated by my friend jillypopmusic to take part in the Spread the Love event. Thank you so much!!!
Here are the rules:
1. Write 10 four-word sentences about what love means to you.
2. Share your favorite quote on love.
3. Nominate 10 other bloggers to join in.
- Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13. Christ died for all of us!
- Having to say you’re sorry, when you’re wrong
- Appreciating the person as they are, and supporting their need to grow
- Listening to the other person, trying to meet the need they are trying to express.
- Listening and saying nothing, if that’s what they need.
- Pointing out the beauty around us.
- A gentle touch, or, giving space.
- Surprising someone with a meal, whether fancy or not!
- Knowing what not to say
- Yes, a bunch of roses 😀
My favorite quote. I can’t think of one, so I’ll use the one I used in my High School yearbook:
“Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination.”
Ten blogs I am nominating, although, if you are interested in participating, by all means, jump on board! Also, if you don’t want to participate in the nominations, feel free to just answer the questions, ie Blahpolar, perhaps?
*Phew, it’s 11:59 and I made it in time to say “good morning,” lol…
Ah the little things that give us joy, or at least, a little frisson of delight. Ok, a mere sigh of relief, then; whattaya want for nothing? lol
Anyway I wanted to apologize for the lack of comments and “likes” on your blog posts lately. I do care! It’s just been a busy week that has challenged my level of depression a little more than it would normally. This week was our annual missions conference which I usually adore! This year it was more like I had to force myself to go and to be around people; although it did lift me up some and renew my faith and my spirits: PHEW!
Well anyway, enjoy your week. If you are of the prayerful persuasion, pray that I will get motivated to work on my novel this week. It is not like I don’t have time!!
*Rats. It’s 12:01 and I am just now finishing. Oh well, c’est la vie…
Ok, I’m going to continue with my writing prompts, and maybe come back to the rest of the ones Quxiotic Faith had requested.
Another commenter (commentator?), my finely feathered friend Blahpolar, also requested #4 (interesting that that was so popular). Also requested were #3 and #22.
#3 reads: “Write as if you have decided not to blog after this; your last blog.”
Rats. I was hoping not to have to do that one. Haha!
If I were to write it, it would read as follows. “Goodbye cruel world. All is lost. Thank you for your efforts. I’d like to thank my many fans, including: … ”
Ok, maybe I would say a little more, like:
“I have noticed that I got more depressed after I started writing this blog. Then I got a little less depressed. I wonder if that is because I was exposed to issues, thoughts, and feelings that I had been avoiding. Confronting my ‘true’ religion, which is a lot less rigid than it had been. Confronting my past issues, which I had dealt with to a great degree, but which I had decided to bury. They do not like being buried but require continued vigilance and resolution. I’d like to thank the people who commented on my blog and stayed true to their own. It has been invaluable support as well as an education, and I am most grateful. I have decided, however, that this blog has served its purpose, which was partly to grease the wheels and enable me to work seriously on my novel. Not only have I finished one and had it published, but I have also contracted for two more, with huge advances! So thank you so much, little people! I could not have done it without you!
Which brings me to the realization that I really can’t do it without you. And so, with the hope that none of you is insulted, I have decided even in the writing of this post that I can’t leave this blog. It has been instrumental in my growth and in my career, and most likely will continue to be so. So, thank you again, and thank you God for helping me to realize that I need to stick with it.
My next blog post will be … ”
Prompt #22 reads: “Reading other people’s blogs.”
I covered this a little bit in my “last post” (above). You guys, in a very short period of time, have served to inspire me, educate me, and encourage me. I have been entertained, my heart has been softened. As to the photography, it has done the same. I love the photography! The way it speaks to my heart in so many ways. All of this, reading your blogs, is a side benefit to writing my own. I had not considered that aspect. Blogging is more than regurgitating my own thoughts and feelings, but it’s also about that of others. I’d also like to think that I have supported others as much as I have been supported. So again, thank you!! And please keep blogging. I have come to care about many of you so much, and if you just dropped out, it would be a true loss to your fans, including myself.
And so, two more down, several prompts to go. Hope you are enjoying this as much as I am! Have a great Sunday and first day of March (YAY!), and, in the immortal words of pretend Arnold:
Ok, let’s address some more of these writing prompts!
quixoticfaith asked me to expand upon several issues, and was “fascinated” regarding number four. (When my son disappeared when he was a child, and when he was AWOL from the Army). This was already addressed in a former blog post, Noise and Runaways.
Prompt #11 was: What is the difference between being treated for physical problems as a bipolar in the ER, when the bipolar diagnosis is known, versus when I withhold that information. Writing letters of complaint to the hospital, even though I am not one to complain.
There are two times that I can recall that really burned my britches in regard to medical treatment, and stigma against mental illness. The first is when I went to the ER with complaints of severe chest pain. This pain was not typical of any I had had before, and as a nurse I know that women’s heart disease is of great concern. I didn’t want to mess around with it. When I first got pulled into a room, and the nurse began to go over my health history, I “mentioned” that I had a history of bipolar disorder.
Suddenly I was whisked away to a separate section of the emergency room, “just in case you get anxious, dear. You won’t have to be around other people and be bothered. We’ll see you just as soon as we can.” Wham. The prison doors were shut. I was in a locked unit, and I spent the next I-don’t-know-how-long waiting to be seen. It seemed like hours. Guarded by a man in uniform, not monitored by EKG, nothing. The only concern they seemed to have was my mental health status, not my heart. I was not at that time experiencing any anxiety, other than what one would normally have with an episode of chest pain. I was not manic, or suicidal. Just, “by the way,” bipolar.
Finally, the doctor came in with a very serious expression. No eye contact. Very little in the way of a conversation, an exam, or diagnostic testing. After he was done, I was scuttled out the door with no discharge instructions, and no explanation for the symptoms I’d been experiencing. I almost felt like I’d been assaulted.
That incident resulted in letter #1 to the powers-that-be at the hospital. They had no right to treat me any differently than any other patient who comes in with cardiac type symptoms. They had no right to be concerned that I might “flip out,” just because I had a diagnosis of bipolar. And most of all, they had no right to not pursue and diagnose my cardiac symptoms. I came to one conclusion: The next time I had to come to the ER with a medical concern, I would not disclose my psychiatric diagnoses. They might discover it by other means, I suppose, but I would not volunteer the information. Sure enough, the next time I came to the ER with that in mind, I was treated with respect and concern that was just like that given to any other patient who presented to them.
Incident #2 was at another time, when I had been admitted to the psychiatric hospital for a manic episode. Shortly after my arrival, I began to have cardiac type symptoms, this time, much more severe. This psych hospital was affiliated with the same one that had put me in the back room of the emergency room. The psych hospital did take my blood pressure, and it was 200 something over 100. I was obviously very concerned. But it took me two hours to convince the physician’s assistant that I should be seen by a regular physician. My rights as a human being were being violated, and she would not even consult with anyone else to see what she should do, when I insisted. I believe that refusal had everything to do with the fact that I was having symptoms of my mental illness, and therefore was considered incompetent to make a decision regarding my care. Not cool at all.
Finally, the physician’s assistant agreed to consult with the doctor on call, and I was taken to the regular ER, accompanied by a psychiatric technician. She was a very nice woman, but a very meek one. She was not willing or able to ask for what I needed from the hospital staff. Eventually I was sent to radiation for x-rays and a cat scan, after which I was told that I had a pulmonary embolism, or blood clot in the lungs. This is a very serious medical condition which needs to be treated right away, or sudden death can occur. The doctors told me they would give me medication to dissolve the clot, and I was put in a darkened hallway to await treatment.
Here I was, in full blown mania and alone with the psych tech, waiting for them to save my life. I don’t mean to be so dramatic, but that was how I felt at the time. I had no monitor, and no emergency room staff available. Just a “wait here for a minute,” which became two hours. All I could think about was a man who had died while in my care when I was working as a nurse. He was a patient in the intensive care unit, and had turned blue and died within seconds. I was so shaken at the time by how it had occurred that I even attended his autopsy, to see if there had been anything that I could have done. I remember seeing those big maroon clots in the medical examiner’s glove, as he showed me what had caused the man’s death. And here I was in the hospital, awaiting what I thought might be the same fate. My symptoms of mania continued to escalate, along with the continued chest pain, but the psych tech would not intervene. To me, it was obvious that I needed some attention and care, but I felt like no one was listening.
Finally the resident came to me to tell me that they’d been mistaken, that there was no blood clot after all. Hence, letter #2 to the hospital after I was discharged from the psych hospital. First of all, I explained how the PA at the psych hospital should be disciplined and instructed for not acknowledging my right to be seen by a physician. Second of all, the regular hospital should have provided me protection and support, given my manic condition and severe anxiety. And whether I was manic or not, I should not have been tucked away in a hallway waiting for treatment, given the severity of the diagnosis they thought I had. It was total neglect all around, and certainly the results of that could have been tragic. This is to say nothing of the terror I was experiencing in a state of heightened awareness and emotions.
Well, then! Stay tuned, because I am going to have a part II to address some more writing prompts! But it’s before noon, and I’ve had more than one cohesive thought; I think I have done pretty well this morning!
Otay! in reference to my post “Pick a Number,” in which I listed a number of writing prompts, JAMI of Days of Evolution said: “1) and 4) both sound fascinating.” So I think I will address both of them here.
# 1 of the list said: “I really need the silence.”
Recently I have heard sensitivity to noise referred to as “Misophonia.” I was very surprised to find that there is a word for it! Most of my life I have needed to be in a very quiet environment. Noise just drives me nutty! In fact, I am very much at peace when I have “white noise,” like my fan, going all the time (Say ‘white noise, white noise, white noise, 3 times fast! Ok, but I digress..). I don’t know then if using the fan qualifies as “misophonia,” since white noise is noise.
I wonder if I developed this because of growing up in a large family and sometimes hearing sounds of arguing or conflict going on. As many of you know, if you put 2 children in a room together, there will usually be conflict! Especially if a toy is involved! Then put 2 adults in a room together and well, you don’t even need a toy!
And even without conflict, there is background noise, there is kid noise, there’s the TV going, there’s the “running a household” noise – I am pretty much sensitive to all of them. I would just as soon escape and only hear myself. And even then I have to shush myself. (I do so love the sound of myself typing, though. Lol).
Another reason I am sensitive to noises is the fact that I am an introvert. Or am I an introvert because I am sensitive to noise? Most people would tell you I’m not an introvert. I’m the one who before church goes around and shakes everyone’s hand, especially the new people. I’m the one who at our community dinners is running around making sure everyone has everything they need. I’m the one who will sit down and chat with the person who needs an ear. You would think I was in my element. Well, in a way, I am. It’s what I do. But when it’s over? I run to my little cocoon. And oh please do not get in my way when it’s time for me to go home! And I am so happy. The longer I don’t have to hear people and noises, the better. Ahhhh… I need the air to be quiet. Don’t chew out loud, don’t scratch out loud, don’t even breathe out loud. Don’t call me, don’t talk to me; go away.
Has it always been this way?
I don’t think so. I mean, the introversion, yes, you bet. But the noise sensitivity? The older I get, the worse it gets.
So, like I said, I don’t know if this counts as misophonia, but I do know I am most happy living alone – and I really need the quiet!
Okay! Jami also said she liked #4. Number four reads: “When my son disappeared when he was a child, and when he was AWOL from the Army.”
Talk about an emotional trigger. Just thinking about this circumstance and I am back there.
The first time was when DS (=dear son) was very young. I can’t say that I remember now how old he was, but way too young to be walking home from school alone, I know that now. It kills me that my memory is so bad that I can’t remember! I tell you this brain is so traumatized (mostly by itself!) that it just won’t work. But anyway, the situation was that I was waiting for DS to come home from school. It was well past the time that he was supposed to be home, and I began to become alarmed. I called a few people who might have known where he was, to no avail. I called his father (the last thing I wanted to do) and DEX (dear ex) came over. That was not my ideal sitch, trust me. I did everything I could to avoid that man, and this was even worse. Not only did I have to see him but I also had to present as a) weak and b) incompetent. Kind of hard to present that keep-your-distance brick wall when you are feeling that vulnerable.
Well, we called the cops, we called numerous friends, people were looking all over the neighborhood for DS. I live in a small-ish city, but large enough to have any number of unsavory persons, especially if my imagination is triggered, which it was. I left DEX at the apartment and started going door-to-door. The longer it was that we couldn’t find DS, the worse I felt. I was panicked and writing the script, each moment thinking of worse and worse things that were happening to our son. There weren’t even that many TV crime shows then, like there are now. But in my mind he had been kidnapped, raped, or horribly maimed and injured. At the very least, he was terrified. I was sure of it.
I held it together pretty well, considering. I was so focused on finding him that I couldn’t fall apart entirely. But the longer he was gone the worse I felt. The darker the sky became, naturally, the more I began to panic.
Finally we found DS. He had been walking, lackadaisically, la la la, along the railroad tracks, about 15 minutes away, for a small wandering boy. When I found out he was okay, all the potential things that could have happened to him ran through my mind. I felt the relief of knowing that he had not gone through all the things I had imagined, including the “run-over-by-a-big-gigantic-steam-engine” scenario.
When I finally got back to the apartment, I saw DS curled up on DEX’s lap, and I barely stopped to give my son a kiss. I walked through to the back end of the apartment, and I don’t think that I have ever cried that loud and hard in all my life. All the tears that I would have cried if something had truly happened to him, I cried in that moment. You would think that he had actually died, the way that I carried on.
Why had he run off? It came out later that he didn’t want to go to “that school” anymore. Back then, the focus seemed to be on telling him what he was doing wrong, versus what he was doing right. In a school that size, it did seem that their focus was more on getting the kids to behave, than to learn. At the time DS was being assessed to see what label they could stick on him, and it felt like I was being called to come get him every other day. So then he’d get to hear from Mom that he was misbehaving.
Shortly after that, DEX and I decided to go to therapy together to see if we could figure out how to help DS. We knew that there were other issues, besides school, that might be causing DS to have trouble. Being in therapy with DEX was the last thing on Earth that I wanted; we’d already tried that when we were married. But after what had happened, and seeing how unhappy DS was, we knew we would try just about anything.
Unfortunately, our focus soon because “us.” DEX started flirting outrageously with me in sessions, and even sent me a gorgeous bouquet of flowers. I could only giggle in response. That poor therapist must have had muscle cramps trying not to roll her eyes. We soon became romantically involved with each other once more. I guess we thought that ultimately that was the thing that would help DS the most – an intact family; a Dad and Mom who loved each other. We got married again and lived hap… no. Nononon. Actually, what happened is that we proved to our DS that the first divorce had been warranted, and we were certifiably insane to have tried it again.
Fast forward: DS is in the Army. Goes AWOL. Talk about déjà vu (by the way, the title of an excellent movie). The way my body and my mind reacted to his going missing, you would think DS was in grade school again. I went absolutely nuts as I imagined all the possible outcomes of his being at large. All our efforts to contact him went unrewarded; he just was not going to answer. His friends all said they had no idea where he was. I wasn’t just worried about him being in danger (although, when a soldier goes AWOL it is a pretty serious thing). I was also worried about whether he was thinking of harming himself. He had access to a weapon and not the best genes in the world, his mom and dad both having a history of addiction and mental illness. I pretty much called out the National Guard and anyone who had any amount of political clout. I wanted my baby home safe and that was all I cared about! Long story short, he returned, physically and emotionally intact, but I was scarred, again, for life. I still don’t do well when he doesn’t return phone calls or answer texts, and that will probably continue until he is 90 years old.
Do any of these topics pique your curiosity? Let me know in the comments, and I will write about them in order of arrival. Help yourself to a topic to write about, or use it as a springboard for one of yours, if you like
- I really need the silence
- Kindnesses rendered
- Write as if you have decided not to blog after this; your last blog
- When my son disappeared when he was a child, and when he was AWOL from the Army.
- Psalm 95:6-7 (discussion)
- The beauty of the ordinary in photos
- I have no patience to wait for things
- Why I hate speedy wake ups
- I have more depression since I started blogging – is it the reading or the writing?
- I love flowers
- The difference between treated for other problems as a bipolar in the ER – when it is known versus when I withhold that information. Writing letters of complaint to the hospital even though I am not one to complain.
- We all need help with something
- My struggle with jealousy/envy
- Not talking about people in my blog – frustrated because I want to! So and so drives me crazy, this one I love, this one done me wrong song, etc. But isn’t it healthier to keep the focus on myself, anyway?
- Saying yes to life
- being short – humor
- tithing and offerings, versus paying my bills
- “Do what you love the money will follow,” a book I read
- difference between a Christian counselor and lay counselor, I think I already wrote this one
- The book I was going to write (autobiography), Shedding shells, including using photography and onion skin paper, making a mock-up of it – the beauty of the book as work of art as much as a literary “masterpiece” (haha)
- How I felt it was important to tell on people when I was in early recovery (sobriety and mental health), wanting to go on Oprah, Dr. Phil, etc.
- Reading other people’s blogs
- Writing fiction – blogging a chapter at a time
- Singing/writing songs and poetry as a child – building self esteem and why it didn’t work
- sexual abuse memories and whether they are true or not
- Story about the woman in the car moving to the passenger side.
- Trying not to think/ work that hard (even because of vision issues) v. lack of concentration
- My mother worked on a Fisherman knit sweater for my stepfather – a gesture of love
Tomorrow night I am going to a Meet Up. What this means is I have connected through a website called “Meetup.com”
Yeah, you had already figured that out, I’m sure. Anyway Meetup.com is a website that is helpful for people who want to find activities and people with their own interests. Let’s say that you jog, or write, or you’re a cat person, or you speak a foreign language, or you want to travel, or learn how to manage your money, etc. You enter your information at the site and select your interests, and, voilà! (French for “see this,” or “see that”) They send you a list of activities in your area that you may want to attend.
Then, every now and then, you receive updates in your email that tell you of new activities that are coming up soon in your area. Today I received a notice that a Word Press talk would be taking place in my area tomorrow. I know, short notice, but I may well have ignored previous notices; always possible.
So, I read the list through. WordPress. Hmm, that sounds fami… HEY! I have a WordPress blog! And I still need to learn a few stuffs!
And so, with only a few moments’ hesitation, I invited myself.
It’s that easy; the hard part is to go.
One thing that I have learned, in my years of recovery from alcoholism and mental illness, is that it’s important to occupy my time with things that are of personal interest to me. When my illness is active, all I can think about is the symptoms, or, in the case of alcoholism, my next drink.I have not had that problem for a long time so basically it is depression, along with its lethargy and lack of motivation, that cause my paralysis. It is rare for something to pique my interest when I’m feeling like I do lately.
So, we’ll see how it goes. I’ll let you know 😀
As with awards, The “VERY INSPIRING BLOGGER AWARD” comes with rules:
- Display the award on your blog.
- Link back to the person who nominated you.
- State 7 things about yourself.
- Nominate 15 bloggers, link to them, and notify them about their nominations.
It’s very encouraging to be nominated because I have only been blogging for a short time! I am not familiar with the fancy widgets and things but my main objective is being met – I want to inspire, first of all, but also to make people laugh and find something here that they haven’t elsewhere. So thank you so much for the nominations!
Seven things about myself:
1. I wanted to be a ballerina when I grew up.
2. I got sober in 1985, and identified myself as an alcoholic, after I had drank for only 10 years.
3. I should have taken a hint when I got my first my-very-own dog and named him Tequila.
4. I am the middle child of ten.
5. I used to ski at Sugarloaf almost every weekend and school vacation, and had a camp up there. We had a boat and two cars, and several kids at home, but I thought we were poor!
6. I was educated on what poor was when my son was born and my husband and I were on welfare and living in a condemned building!
7. But that is not poverty.
There are many more facts about myself but I hope to cover them in my blog posts another time!
I would like to nominate the following: