Category Archives: prayer

Do Wha Diddy Diddy Dumb Diddy Doo …

Well there’s an eye catching little title. Nothing to do with this post.

Except for that first word, “do.”

And perhaps, the “Wha.”.

(Leave it to me to get something obscure from a song lyric).

The “do” and the “wha” refers to the “do what?” of my life.  Because so often I’m questioning what I do or don’t do. Am I doing right? And if I’m doing right, am I doing right?

Let me explain. And I’d better hurry up, before I lose you. One of my primary issues is keeping boundaries. And it’s not just the fact that people can take advantage of me. I volunteer myself and my resources. Nobody asked! It’s “What do YOU need?” versus “What do I need?” Then, when everybody’s happy, and I do mean ev.er.y.body, then  I’ll sit down and do my stuff. Complaining all the while, don’tcha know. But to do otherwise, to ignore someone’s need, to leave someone unsatisfied, feels very selfish, and just plain wrong. Sound familiar? (Cough: Martha)

This hurts me. Because after a while I’m feeling disjointed, disoriented, disorganized, and dissatisfied. It’s feeling like life is out of control. My laundry is weeks overdue, I haven’t made that phone call or done my writing, and I’m neglecting my job search and exploration. But maybe that’s the point. In seeing to someone else’s needs, I get to put off the things I need to do, or face, or feel. But that only works for so long. Soon I am in dire straits, and worse, blaming you.

So what is my business? How do I know? What is my responsibility, to you, or to me?

To know this, it starts with prayer. A common prayer of mine is the prayer Paul prayed at the time he was converted to Christianity (and isn’t that putting it mildly?). Having persecuted Jesus and His followers,, and having just condoned the stoning of Stephen, Paul (as Saul) meets Jesus on the road to Damascus.

And he trembling and astonished said, Lord,what wilt thou have me to do? And the Lord said unto him, Arise, and go into the city, and it shall be told thee what thou must do. (Acts 9:6)

Simple, huh? Just ask God, and He will lead.

So why don’t I do it? Why don’t I make a habit of taking the time, first thing in the morning, to ask what He’d like me to do during my day? Why don’t I pause, before I say “yes,” or volunteer myself? It only takes a moment. Is it because I think I know better what’s best? Is it because I enjoy that adrenaline rush that says “Ooh, what have I gotten myself into?” “It sure has gotten hot in here.” Or, “Where’s the fire extinguisher?”

But there are concrete things He’s asked of me. I don’t need to pause and wait to be told; it’s in the Book. I can pray for others, one of the finest things that can be done for another human being. I can study and meditate upon God’s word. I can serve in my local church. I can spend time with other people the Lord has given me. And I can do my laundry.

Ok, perhaps that last was my mother talking. But you get the gist. There are many things I don’t make time for, and end up a mess. And if you’re like me, you’re spending time recuperating from time with others as much as you’re actually spending time with them (see: introvert). Maybe more. So you still don’t get things done.

It doesn’t mean I can’t drop everything in the event of an emergency, but it does mean that God has specific tasks for me. He has helped me, through a long history of anxiety, depression, and bipolar illness, to figure out what I need to do to take care of myself. He has helped me to know when it’s time to take steps forward in my recovery, and when I’ve taken on too much. He’s given me specific people, family and friends who know me well. They can see if I am “off,” they can give me that refreshing of the spirit that only a true friend can give, and it is mutual, I hope. If I’m neglecting all of that, or ignoring red flags, a lot of sour notes will ensue. And it’s not just me on the piano, or the Mexican food I just ate.

This is not to mention the fact that if my “good deeds” do proceed from my flesh, and not from the Spirit’s call, it’s not worth a whole lot. I am thoughtful of the following scripture in Romans 8:5-8:

For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.

There is a whole lot in that there little portion of scripture! Among other things, it makes me evaluate things: Is my motive selfish, even when I appear to be focused on others? Am I looking to be comfortable, to be honored, to be liked? Am I trying, in my flesh, to make others happy? Maybe God’s intent is for that person to seek their own solution, or to sit with their own discomfort. Or, more than likely, for them to turn to Him, rather than to this friend who wants to make “aw better.” Sometimes, making it easier on someone else is not making it easier. It’s not just the two-year-old who needs to know they can do it themselves. And sometimes the attempt to “mother” someone does more harm than good. After all, “mother” and “smother” are pretty close.

Of course, there is such a thing as analyzing something to death. Sometimes I am procrastinating. Sometimes I am “enabling.”

But sometimes, I’m just loving.

And isn’t that what Christ has begged for us to do all along? As it is written:

And now I beseech thee, lady, not as though I wrote a new commandment unto thee, but that which we had from the beginning, that we love one another. 2 John 5:

 

 

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Jesus, please pray for us to the Father!

For those who believe

I have been thinking a lot of the fact that Jesus prays for us, not prayed. I often think of where Jesus said He prayed for Peter: Luke 22:32: But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren

So, I am offering up a prayer, for those who believe, that Jesus pray to the Father, that our faith fail not! And you see also that as He restores us, He expects us to strengthen each other. There are many forms that that can take, and I am mindful of prayer, but also of more concrete things as well. Something to think about. And, Jesus prayed for all of us, including the world, in other spots in the Bible. What are your thoughts?

Isaiah 53:12
Therefore will I divide him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong; because he hath poured out his soul unto death: and he was numbered with the transgressors ; and he bare the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.

Romans 8:34
Who is he that condemneth ? It is Christ that died , yea rather , that is risen again , who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.

John 17:
20 Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word;
21 That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.
22 And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one:
23 I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.
24 Father, I will that they also, whom thou hast given me, be with me where I am ; that they may behold my glory, which thou hast given me: for thou lovedst me before the foundation of the world.
25 O righteous Father, the world hath not known thee: but I have known thee, and these have known that thou hast sent me.
26 And I have declared unto them thy name, and will declare it: that the love wherewith thou hast loved me may be in them, and I in them.

Just so’s you know…

I am doing a lot better today! It is a little miracle. I’ll take it!

Yesterday I felt so anxious and overwhelmed, hypomanic, and scared!

Today I feel normal. I went to an AA meeting, went for a walk (it was beautiful out!), and now I’m home. Eating a good lunch, gonna do dishes, then I have church (prayer meeting) tonight.

No panic, a little anxiety, no hypomania. Thank You God! I had a lot of people praying for me and I truly believe that helps!

Thanks all for listening to me yesterday! I will keep you posted.

One more thing!

Grr! One more thing and I’m just gonna lose it! Jesus, Your Word says to cast my burdens at Your feet? Well, I’m casting them! Here ya go! Take them!

I watch as You pick them up carefully. “Ok, Kat,” You say. “Just remember. These are Mine, not yours. You gave them to Me, and you can’t have them back. Not unless I give them to you.”

How could this be, Lord? Shouldn’t I be able to handle them? These things I’m trying to do? Those people who need my help? But they’re so heavy on my shoulders, my neck! Ugh, what do I do?

“Keep putting them at my feet,” You say, “and all those things you have to do. I’ll carry them for you. I’ll tell you when to help Me. But you must give them to me first.”

And what about my mind, Lord! It’s making me crazy! First I think I’m fine, and then I’m not! What am I supposed to do?

“Place it all at My feet.”

But Lord, I can’t even do that! I get out of bed and my mind is already racing!

“Put everything at my feet. And spend a little time with Me.”

How, Lord? And how can You love me? I’m a mess.

“I love that mess. Now come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

That’s all I want, Lord.

“I know. So be still, and know that I am God. Cast your cares upon me, Kat, for I care for you.”

That’s all I want. Lord. But I’m supposed to be more like You, not this train wreck. And if I’m supposed to be like You, doesn’t that mean I need to give? I feel so overwhelmed. But how can I say no to those who need me?

“Even Moses had to learn say no. Remember, I was here for a specific purpose. I said, “I must work the works of him that sent me.” Why did God send you, Kat? So read My Word. Be still. And most of all, cast your care upon Me.”

“And while you’re at it, Kat, cast My care upon Me, too.”

References: Matthew 11:28, Psalm 46:10, 1 Peter 5:7, John 9:4

More on Edison, less on coffee …

(I’ll explain. and re: the photo, no I do not iron, but I do do that backwards salute quite often.)

This morning I woke up and half-consciously pushed the button to my coffee maker, and,

nothing happened.

Or rather, a lot happened. I pushed the button off, then on again. Plugged and unplugged it. Tried another outlet. Opened the top to make sure there was water in the reservoir. Wiggled the rubber doo dah through which the water is supposed to glug glug push push …

And nearly cried.

And then I remembered that all I have is $3. on my credit card. IF indeed the card would actually go through with only $3. on it. Which, historically, might not.

Whined about it in a joking manner on Facebook.

Then let people know I really WAS NOT kidding.

Got a number of ha ha’s, and two people offered to buy me a new maker.

Either they love me, or they are afraid of me.

Ate breakfast, then decided to try the credit card at Dunkin Donuts, where it did (PRAISE THE LORD!) work!

Came home and posted that I had spend said $3. on Dunkin Donuts.

And as the Bible says, a number of people who had grieved with me then celebrated with me.

Then I finished the coffee, played on facebook some more, then did the Bible reading I was unable to think about doing until I was properly caffeinated. Listened to some spiritual music including:

which made me cry, as always. I spent some time in prayer, still crying. I have issues. Did you know I have issues? lol…

Then started reading some of the emails I had in my inbox, made a few replies, and then posted to one of the reply-ers:

Thomas Edison‘s teachers said he was “too stupid to learn anything.” He was fired from his first two jobs for being “non-productive.” As an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. When a reporter asked, “How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?” Edison replied, “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”

This is a little different from the quote I posted in another of my blogs. Anyway it is still a good way of looking at all our failures and false starts.

I guess.

Well anyway, hope y’all are having a good day. Mine started rather jerkily and un-thankfully, but I am doing ok now.