Does not play well with others …

 

You know, I don’t know how to be friends with more than one friend at a time. Same as having more than one boyfriend at a time; they get jealous and they expect you to tell them the truth, which will inevitably hurt them.

But some people insist on being your friend anyway and (here is where I get vague) I just can’t deal with being liked that much. Why don’t you just make it like when I was in Junior High School and nobody liked me and I was imbisible. Yes I know I said that funny but it’s because that’s how childish I feel when these particular issues come up. Honestly, it was torture being imbisible, too, but what I go through now is not fun either. I really can’t say much about the people and the issues because then I will be talking not-nice about someone and I’m not allowed to be not-nice.

Sigh.

I just want to play by myself. I want to read my book and that’s all.

Boundaries? What’s that?

 

 

 

 

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I wish I wuz

 

I wish I wuz

  • the kind of person who has everything in its place. No bags of receipts hidden in the closet, no pile of clothes on the towel rack table in the bathroom, no clutter all over  the breakfast bar, kitchen counter, couch, and ottoman (ditto on the electric keyboard). … something homey to come home to. Something ready for when company comes. Knowing that I don’t have to be sure there’s no ring around the water in the toilet. The bed is made and you can’t write “dust me” into the furniture. The dining room table has a beautiful bouquet, and settings all ready for a Pinterest-inspired meal. Instead, it’s covered with papers, napkins, shopping bags, books, calendars, a half eaten bag of chips, junk mail, a fan (it’s January!), my laptop, and a skir You know, the stuff of life. I wish I wuz the sort of person that could say, “Come over anytime; you’re always welcome!” Instead, I need 3 months’ notice. (Actually, I can make it presentable in 3 minutes – but don’t try opening that closet door).

 

I wish I wuz the kind of person who has everything in its place.

Or who has one.

Artificial Christian  — The Hope Filled Addict

I’m cheating tonight, mostly because of a busy (but fulfilling) day, cold weather, a large supper, fun with a friend, the emotional release of undecorating the tree and forcing it out the door, and polishing off with some “really good meds” (sknxxx) – yeah, I can’t really come up with anything cohesive. I thought this would be a good read for those who, like me, want to be a true Christian and not an actress. The author belongs to a Bible-based support group called Reformers Unanimous, to which I also belong. It’s good. I’ll explain more later (unless I already did, in which case I will reblog myself, lol!)

 

Please Lord don’t let this be me. Keep me from judging people, remind me that is your job. Don’t let me be a prayer girl in public but not get on my knees in my home. If I’m ever able to do good for your name, please let that be only for you to shine, […]

via Artificial Christian  — The Hope Filled Addict

In all thy ways …

January 3. I was reading Proverbs 3 today (I aim to read the Proverb that corresponds to the day each day. For example, today being the 3rd, I read Proverbs 3).

I had only read the first two verses and became instantly discouraged:

“My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments: For length of days, and long life, and peace, shall they add to thee.”

It wasn’t the “forget not my law” that tripped me up. It was the length of days and long life that I objected to. I am all for the peace part of it, but not so much the other. I started to pray:

Lord, the days are long enough. Why would I want to add to them? And long life? I just want to come Home to you. [As someone with a long history of depression and suicidality, living longer just does not appeal to me]. I’m tired, I’m always messing up, and I just don’t feel like I am getting – or giving – much out of life. So this year, help me to want to prolong the days and live a long life, so that I will have more time to serve You. I know you have work for me to do, give me the courage to do it. Show me what to do, give me the oomph to do it!

I kept reading. There is so much richness in this chapter, I thought to myself. Verse 5 was very familiar to me:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

I nodded. Yep, I get that. I’d mess up a lot less if I gave that verse a little more heed.

Then verse 6 popped up, and it was one of those “aha” moments, as in, “Aha, I’ve never seen that verse before.”

But you know I have. I just never noticed it before. This is one way that God speaks to me. He brings the text alive as I am reading, and I may have seen it a hundred times, but the hundred and first time, God nudges me to pay attention: “Hey, Kat. This here is for you. Sit with this for a while.” It said:

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

In all my ways? Do I do that? And what does that mean, “acknowledge”?

Websters 1828 Dictionary says it is “To own or notice with particular regard.” So do I do that in all of my ways? Do I own or notice God with particular regard in my:

  • Family relationships
  • Work
  • Leisure
  • Driving
  • Church activities
  • Friendships
  • Service
  • Handling of money
  • Care of myself physically
  • Care of myself emotionally
  • Care of myself spiritually

In what ways could I improve?

To me, to acknowledge God means that I don’t just forge ahead with my life. I must “bring God along” in all my ways (paths). And I must also acknowledge that He is the author and the giver of it all. Kinda like at Christmas when you would rip into a present, and Mom would make me stop and acknowledge the giver. I didn’t even realize there was a giver, half the time. I was just so eager to get, get, get!

The verse says that if I do acknowledge God in all my ways, He will direct my paths. It is like what we were learning tonight in the lesson at church about David. He would ask God: Should I go here? or maybe here? Should I do battle with this people, or should I not? We also see plenty of examples in David’s life where he would fail to ask direction, fail to acknowledge God, and fail in his life. It was that simple for him.

Shouldn’t it be that simple for me?

*Prophy prophy joy joy

January 2. Today I went to the dentist. That is probably the most excitement that I’m going to have all year. No, seriously, I hope not. I had the panoramic x-rays, and then I guess they’re called bite wing x-rays, the ones where they angle pieces of cardboard in your mouth and make sure that you bite down on them hard and cut the inside of your mouth, again and again and again. Then I had a quick exam, and I was happy happy happy to hear that I would not have to have a deep cleaning, just a plain old prophy (short for “prophylactic cleaning”). It cost me $20 cash +3 dollars on my capital one card which is maxed out. Yeah I have issues with money. We may well did discuss those. Anyway I had no cavities and did not get a prize. Thank you Plackers! (pictured above)

 

I do want to thank the Lord that I have insurance that paid for the exam, the office also did the xrays for free because I had had a set done within the last year at the other dentists’ office, where they wanted to do a cleaning of my pocketbook. That’s a whole nother story. So thank You God for Your wonderful care for me!

Just another stinkin’ resolution post …

January 1. Would it surprise you if I committed suicide? Look around at your friends. Would it surprise you if any one of them tried to commit suicide? Do you know that suicides are at an all-time high, especially among women? It could be anyone. And it’s sad that when I think about starting out my 2018 blogs, that’s the first thing that I think of talking about.

So THAT was abrupt, wasn’t it? Sorry. ANYway … I really would like to write a blog entry every day in the year 2018. Seems like a pretty good resolution. Much more likely than “lose weight” or “save money.” Could I? Would I? Do I have enough to say? Do I think anyone would even want to hear it? But that doesn’t really matter. It’s the writing that I need to do, that’s therapeutic.
Know that anything I say cannot be used against me! or be considered gospel just because I have written it down. Writing is a process, and things change as soon as they are written.
It’s a good thing God doesn’t think that way. His Word is true, period. It doesn’t change as soon as it’s written down. And I like that.