And you give yourself away…

 

I have thought about writing a blog post many times since the last time I wrote a blog post. There’s a “should” about it, of course, after all, Dear Faithful Reader, I have left you in the lurch…

And there’s the “should” of, it’s good for me, and I’m a halfway decent writer, so…

And the “should” of, well I have lots to say! (Trust me, I do!)

And the “should” of, I’ve already spoken of my paranoias, the fear of who shall see it and either use it against me or know too much about me, or draw too many conclusions…

Ok, that isn’t exactly a “should” thing… more of a should not thing. But regardless, as in “real life” – I shut my mouth  😦

Which is WAY counterproductive!!! How mentally healthy is it to shut my mouth, whether in real life, or whether in using the gift I so love using – writing!

 

So, in answer to the questions you might ask me:

  1. Still glad I moved to Florida
  2. It’s very hot now, but I don’t mind it.
  3. This thing doesn’t want to format into 1. a.b.c. But oh well, how important is that.
  4. No I don’t have a boyfriend yet lol
  5. I do have a wonderful church now, it’s called Central Baptist Church, it’s in Orange Park, FL, and the pastor and the people are awesome.
  6. The pastor and his wife, having met with me, and having heard, really heard, who I am, and what my limitations are, assigned me a ministry. It is sending greeting cards to visitors, and to people God puts on my heart who may need encouragement.
  7. I feel like this is cheating, not having “7 ministries” (I keep saying but was I really?), and always feeling like I didn’t do them well enough.
  8. I feel that way too with the one ministry I do have – but I just force myself to deal with that. lol…
  9. I have not been able to stay on a good health regime in regard to my weight and exercise and nutrition. My NORMAL in other words lol.
  10. I have a “psychiatrist to prescribe my meds,” she s a Nurse Practitioner and basically prescribes the way I tell her to lol. My meds are the same as I used to take up North, and I’m still basically stable. A low level of depression but better that than hypo or all-out mania.
  11. As to counseling, I had an awesome counselor for a few months (miss you Tina!), but insurance refuses to acknowledge her.
  12. So I have not really wanted to try to get another one. Probably could use one but … (shrug)
  13. My writing is coming along. During this (July’s) Nanocamp, I am staying with it and am meeting local people who also are staying with it. So I have probably 3/4 of a young adult Christian novel written. “What?? Young adult??” Yeah, that’s exactly what I said! NOT my niche but apparently it wants to be written.
  14. My son, my son! Last but not least, he is happy! He has a sweet girlfriend and they are cohabiting, yeah, I’m not crazy about that part, I’d rather they would get married first (did I tell you she is sweet? And I am right in love with her 5 y.o. son!), but oh well, I am so glad he is happy. He also has a great job that he likes!! So life is good for him thank You God, and please be with them and help them!!
  15. And really not last or least, God. He is so present in my life, and tolerant, and I don’t know why He listens to my prayers, but apparently He does, and I just want to live (better) for Him!

So I guess that’s about it, hope that helps me get on a roll with writing here. I really do enjoy the interaction w/ everyone and I hope you are ok! Sorry I have been remiss, not just with saying my side, but in listening to yours.

 

xo

p.s. The title, well I guess I did not really address that part. Oh well, maybe next time. Ha ha! Have fun listening to the song anyway!

♪♫ Here come those tears again

(5/31/15) (Completed 1/7/16)(Procrastinate much?)

Here come those tears again … Well, hopefully not too many tears.

See, I’m trying the food and fitness thing again. So far so good, 4 lb, which I suppose is better than nothing (do my clothes fit better? can I breathe better? Neh…)

And of course, being Spring, my thoughts have turned to romance …

***

OK – that is as far as I got back in May, for both this post and for the fitness thing…

And the romance, for that matter.

Now here it is January and I started the fitness thing again back in December.

Now for the waah:

  1. Do I have to do this again??
    Yes, the doctor put me on a diet. And not just a diet. A low carb diet. Dang! Doesn’t he know it doesn’t work, that you are just going to cheat and end up even fatter? Doesn’t he know it is bad for the body? and worst of all, doesn’t he know that this often swings me into hypomania? But (here’s the re-BUT-tal… now I see where that word come from!) I have been doing it for over a month, not perfectly of course, and it is going pretty well. WITH exercise!
  2. I had such a horrible craving for cake last nite!
    What prompted it? Seeing a picture of birthday cake.
    I used to buy a whole cake at the grocery store and almost flaunt it as I plopped it down at the register. I figured if I looked happy they would think I was buying it for a birthday boy or girl.
    So why don’t I just have one piece? Ah, in theory that would be great! Except for that mildly addictive (and that’s putting it mildly) personality of mine.
  3. I was going to do housework but have an overwhelming urge to nap. Which would be fine except …
  4. The maintenance people have a generator going right outside my door, the volume of which overrides the white noise of the fan I would generally have going while I sleep.
  5. I’m still not going to do housework.
    So there. Cuz you know once I start, I will keep going til it’s all done (Remember that “mildly” thing?) I just don’t want to do all that. Even though that sense of pride and accomplishment would be so good. Nope, nuh uh. Not going to.
  6. I have to pee again, dang it!
  7. I’m sure there is a seven because I felt so whiny when I started this post.
  8. But at least I did accomplish something!

In Honor and Homage to the Orange

Congratulations to me on finally achieving official residence! Who knew that beyond paying for a month’s rent with security, you would have to pay almost as much to legitimately say you belong to the Orange Club!

Florida’s procedure for you to get your Florida driver’s license and registration is not hard, if you go at it three different times with three different sets of paperwork. And if the second time you end up at the doctor’s office scaring your friends half to death in the process (see previous blog post). Yep, fun for all.

But I digress. I got it! Homely picture and all! I expect I will make a concerted effort not to be caught speeding, because that poor Officer of the Law is going to drop dead laughing …While I disappear into the floorboard in humiliation. I know, I know, they said smile, not grimace! But I actually do have a good medical explanation for it…

You know I must tell you there is a very cute joke about two brothers named Home Lee and Ugg Lee … I’ll get around to it some day.

Anyway, in honor of this great milestone, I thought I would mention ten things (or more if I can think of them) that I have noticed about Florida:

  1. Everywhere, the speed limit is 45 mph. It doesn’t matter if you’re in the Publix parking lot, on Blanding Boulevard, or on one of the many “short cuts” through neighborhoods to get to said Publix. This speed limit is mostly seen In Writing but if it says something besides 45 then it is In Code.
  2. No matter the weather, people are going to wear flip flops. One of my friends jokes about having fur-lined flip flops in the winter, as it does on a rare occasion hit 32 degrees … Wait. You aren’t joking? Friends, she’s not joking. Those are fur-lined and they are worn.
  3. You don’t have to be in the closet if you’re a Christian. I’m told this is typical of anything below the Bible Belt but I am just in awe. “Merry Christmas!” is written across store windows. “God bless you!” is said by more than half of the cashiers as you go to leave the store.  Christ-mas music – about Jesus –  is playing on the Christian music station – in the POST OFFICE LOBBY! One Federal – FEDERAL – employee, we won’t say where –  wearing two pieces of cross-shaped jewelry says to you, loud enough for all to hear, that Jesus IS the reason for the season! Wow! And no-body blinks an eye! I love it!
  4. Ma’am and Sir. I marvel at it. These people call ME Ma’am. They don’t even know whether I qualify, it’s just Ma’am this, Ma’am that. When I pointed the “ma’am” out to a couple of ladies, both of them said their mamas would be disappointed in them if they did otherwise. Wow, up North, I’m sorry, but most people don’t seem to care what their mamas would say. Not. One. Whit.
  5. They also call you Sweetie, Honey, and Baby (yes, Baby!) whether they know you or not. Again, nobody blinks an eye.
  6. There really aren’t palm trees everywhere, it really isn’t sunny every day. In fact, it seems to rain at least once every day. But, it’s beautiful every day.
  7. They don’t use turn signals. Even more than they don’t in New England.
  8. Even here, some wise guy is going to put up Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving. I’m not knockin’ it, my own tree was up on November 20th this year!
  9. We already knew this, but … there are no Amato’s Real Italian Sandwich Shops.  😦 Just sayin’ …
  10. I like it here.  😀

Vertigo (Should be, VertiSTOP)

Ok, to satisfy your soul, Vertigo:

A San Francisco detective suffering from acrophobia investigates the strange activities of an old friend’s wife, all the while becoming dangerously obsessed with her.

Director: Alfred Hitchcock

Stars: James Stewart, Kim Novak,

I’ll let you look up the word Acrophobia. I think I know the definition but I want to get to what you REALLY want to hear about:

ME!

Last night I did not sleep very well. As happens sometimes when I don’t get enough sleep, I am a little groggy and dizzy the next day from the meds I have taken the night before (especially the dang Benadryl, I think). But, no biggie – a little coffee, a little fresh air and time, no sweat.
Well, I have some fresh eggs they gave me at church last nite, I take them and a coffee to a friend, Linda. And of course I get a coffee for myself; after all, it is Dunkin, and I am dressed and out the door. So, naturally.

Anyway, I go to the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles). I’m all excited because I finally have all the paperwork I need to transfer my license and registration to Florida’s. It has taken forevahhh!! One site said I could use either my divorce paper OR marriage license, so I send for the divorce paper, and come to find out no no, they want the marriage license. It takes literally a month to get each one. Between that and the knowledge that it’s going to cost a mint to change them over, yeah. I am just anxious to get this whole thing over with.

So anyway I get to the DMV, about 10 minutes from my friend’s house. My plan is to get out of the car about 20 minutes ahead of time and wait in line til the DMV opens. I got my coffee, I got my paperwork, I’m alllll set. The earlier you get there, theoretically the fewer people you will have in front of you.

Hey, it works in Maine.

And then it really hits me. Jeepers! Man! Sooo dizzy!

So, I sits and I sits and I sits some more in the car. I chug the whole large coffee. No help. In fact, the dizziness keeps getting worse and worse. I try anyway to get out and stand in line.

While I stand there trying to look like a normal person, I imagine them looking deep into my eyes from behind the counter saying “What are you ON, Woman!” and then giving a nod to the officers on duty. Them carting me off to the klink. Arresting me, taking my keys, losing my paperwork; the whole nine yards.
But I’ll be fine, I think to myself.
Yeah right, I counter… you’re a mess!!
After arguing with myself for about 10 minutes I go back to the car.  I have no legs to stand on. I’m weavy and dizzy and the feeling is not unlike the first time you get really drunk and have to lie down on the bed with your eyes closed – or  does that make it worse?? – and pray that you don’t puke. And one of your friends tells you that if you keep one foot on the floor you won’t throw up. Like that ever worked. I have been sober since I was 25, and I’m 56 now; I stillll remember. Oh yes.
So, I sit in the car under the Florida sun for 2 hours waiting for the feeling to pass. I can’t drive, even 25 feet away to a shady spot. I feel bad enough to want to call an ambulance because I am just trapped there! And beginning to get worried. I pray, bemoaning the fact that I WANT this car stuff done, I WANT my Florida orange license plate! Do you know how long I have been wanting that?? Poor God, probably covering His ears thinking, there goes Kat again, whining that she wants what she wants and she wants it now!! Ya know, Kat these are LUXURY problems … what about the missionaries trying to get by? What about the people who are sick or have lost loved ones, or don’t have the money to do what you are doing? Can you remember what it used to be like for you? Aren’t you being a little bit ungrateful? How about a lot ungrateful!
Now mind you the Florida sun today is not horridly hot, it is just burny. The temp outside is probably 70* but, you know, in the car, with no breeze etc., it is considerably warmer. I am feeling like a dog or a kid left behind for “just a few minutes.” Ok, I have air conditioning. I’m FINE. But the impact of the sun on my face is  pretty significant. And I can’t go anywhere. I can turn my body away from the sun but it’s not much help.
So I start texting my best friend up in Maine. I tell her what’s going on. About the dizziness. How I can hardly stand up, never mind walk, etc etc. Finally, I confess the whole truth: that I’m sitting in a parking lot and can’t go anywhere.
Of course, she can’t do anything from 1103 miles away (but who’s counting), but for some reason having her on the line makes it possible to figure out what I need to do. It is such a helpless feeling to know I can’t help her when she is up in Maine. Now the roles are in reverse.
Finally, I figure out that I can I call my friend Kim down here in Florida. I really only have two friends down here so far, friends that I could call for help, and one of them doesn’t have a car. So. Lucky Kim. It is SO hard to ask for help. I basically have to be desperate to ask. If she was the one asking I’d be there in a heartbeat but I hate hate hate to have to ask!!
So anyway, Kim comes and takes me to the Drs. Later, she and her son arrange to bring my car back to my apartment. So way above and beyond, I am so thankful!
The Dr. is new to me but he is good. So I get all checked out and everything is fine. BP, pulse, temperature, blood sugar, etc etc.
So he starts talking about vertigo. He talks like it isn’t a big deal, I mean, I suppose as long as you don’t insist upon getting behind the wheel of a dangerous weapon it isn’t a big deal. Just go lie down and you will get over it.
Basically it is benign and there is not a lot you can do about it or take for it. He showed me some exercises I can practice that will help me to cope with it. Some of these have to do with lining up the molecules in your inner ear or something like that. Shall we say  they will help you get a little equilibrium in your vestibulum or something like that? Ha ha…  But really my main concern throughout the whole thing was to know that I was ok, and he was able to reassure me. So I was happy.
So, now that you are all up to snuff, and have heard enough, I’ll tell you what acrophobia is. It’s a fear of heights.
You didn’t actually think I would leave you hanging, did you?

Walking On Egg Whites

Who here enjoys tapping the “back” button with their pinkie finger to delete part of a sentence? Delete-delete-delete-delete … Why, it’s almost like exercise. And I do have a delightfully slender pinkie, don’t you think?

Speaking of exercise, that’s what I’m talkin’ about! Because tomorrow marks yet another attempt at the dreaded “E” word, as my friend Peggy calls it.

Yes, Working out, another bad word for it. And at a gym, no less!

But this is no small feat. My history of exercise is illustrious. To summarize:

  1. Hating gym class in grade and high school. Y’all been there and you know the list. I don’t have to tell you. Ok, I’ll tell you: Nakedness in the shower. Poorly fitting gym clothes. Unsleekness, self-consciousness, and immobility of body, compared to the rest of the world. A strong desire to throw up. Shall we stop there?
  2. Exercising at home: Mother outpacing you as you attempt to run. Brother following on bicycle laughing.
  3. Aerobics with a friend at local disco. I mean, gym. Fun, private, and on the short term very effective. Body at that time 105 pounds and unconcerned, just realllly want a boyfriend.
  4. Repeat ad infinitum as prices go up and momentum goes down until current weight and form achieved.

However, now that I’m old, gym is free, and I have no excuse. Besides which, my doctor has  “requested” that I start seriously exercising and dieting. Relax; I will not go into my history of dieting. It’s just slightly more embarrassing than my exercise history.

There’s a reason he’s recommending this so strongly. It’s not just because I’ve hired him as a doctor, and he wants to hear himself talk. No, the problem is I have a number of risk factors for heart attack, also known as “M.I.,” or Myocardial Infarction. These risk factors may also lead to stroke and other illnesses. And keep in mind, heart attack is not the only heart disease there is.

The list is is impressive, to say the least:

  1. My obesity  (don’t I just adore that word): I am at least 50 pounds overweight. And my BMI (body mass index) does fit into the “obese” category, so you don’t have to be nice, punch my arm, and say “ohh, come on… have a brownie …” I might say yes! Go here if you want to see how you measure up.
  2. My high blood pressure (also known as hypertension): Your blood pressure does not even have to be super high to put you in this category. Please go here for more information.
  3. My high cholesterol: This is a little more complicated, because some kinds are good, and some kinds are bad. Let’s just say that mine is bad, and call it good. Bad. Oh, you know what I mean. For more information, go here.
  4. My high blood sugar. This is the primary sign of diabetes. And diabetes is one of the more common risk factors for heart attack and other illnesses. For more information, see here, and here.
  5. My age: Although 56 is not ancient, women age 55 or older, and men age 45 or older, are more likely to have a heart attack than their younger counterparts. Of course, the risk grows every year.
  6. My family history of heart attack: I am fortunate that my family history doesn’t include stroke and diabetes, but I am sad to say that one family member has added this particular risk factor to my chance of heart attack. I am more sad for them than for myself, but yes, it does add color to this already fabulous (?) list.
  7. My sex (Man, does this list ever end??): Men are more likely to suffer heart attack, but after a woman reaches menopause, her risk is greater than it was.
  8. My tobacco history: I no longer smoke, but 30+ years did not do my body any favors. Unfortunately, long term second-hand exposure also adds to that risk.
  9. My lack of physical activity: We have already pretty much covered that.
  10. My stress level (Rolls on floor laughing): Have you read this blog?? And I have held back, trust me!

There are three other risk factors listed at the mayoclinic.org site that I should mention, ones that I do not have (and thank you to the site for helping me to flesh out this information):

10. Illegal drug use
11. History of pre-eclampsia (a condition which may occur during pregnancy)
12. History of an autoimmune condition, such as rheumatoid arthritis or lupus

Anyone here think that I should dismiss the advice my doctor is giving me? (Searches among the audience). Oh, I see that hand! Wait. That hand belongs to me.

Speaking of God, have I forgotten Him in all of this? Of course not. I have always been conscious of the fact that God requires me to be a good steward of all He has given me, including my body. We could all improve our stewardship of what God has given us, I’m sure. But this area has always been particularly difficult for me. Obviously, I can serve Him better with more stamina, more years, and even with the happiness that comes from doing what is right. Not to mention the happiness that comes from exercise, which produces endorphins!

And I have always believed that better fitness is a better witness. Wouldn’t it say a lot about what God is capable of doing? I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me (Philippians 4:13). Which is exactly my point. He is the One Who can enable me to do this. He is the One Who will sustain me. If I forget all of this, I will surely be lost in this endeavor.

SO, tomorrow’s the day, the gym is the place. Attractive clothing will be donned, and self-esteem will be firmly (somewhat firmly) tucked into my waistband…

Someone remind me. What is a waistband again?

ANYhow – won’t you come with? Because I really would like to have someone with whom I can commiserate. (You see the word “misery” buried in there?)

And maybe it will be like it was so many years ago. Right, Beth?

♫ ♪ Call me a relic, call me what you will
Say I’m old-fashioned, say I’m over the hill
Today’s music ain’t got the same soul
I like that old time rock ‘n’ roll ♫ ♪
[Read more: Bob Seger – Old Time Rock Roll Lyrics | MetroLyrics]