Whyy oh whine, AKA: I want my mommy!

Why do we cry when we’re angry?

(Because we want to kill something, and we know we can’t?)

And why do I try to accomplish ANYthing on a Monday?

Today on my list I had planned to try – again! – to get some insurance issues taken care of. I say “try” because this is not the first time I have found myself in tears because of these people. But what I am is MAD, not sad. Ok, maybe sad, too…

Every three months I get BOTOX® shots in my neck for my spasmodic torticollis. I found out that I can get reimbursed for the money I paid for the medicine by the BOTOX® folks, but I need certain documentation from the insurance company – which I can’t seem to get. I am also having a problem with how the doctor’s office billed me the first time, so there’s that.

We’re talking times two procedures! So theoretically I have $700. floating in front of my face like a carrot. And I sure could use those dollars to pay on my crredit cards! (I should write about credit cards. Talk about crying!)

So who am I going to bellyache at? The insurance company? The people who manufacture the BOTOX® ?

No. They aren’t going to help.

What I need is a “person.” Someone who can help me navigate the red tape  😦 Is there such a person? Cuz I am not going to get far crying! Urgh! I hate crying! Especially when it comes to having to do adult things!

(There. Ya feel better now?)

(A little)

(Does anyone out there feel sorry for me?)

(A little.)

(Good, do ya think you could send me the $700?)


I’m falling for you, Baby …

Ok, perhaps that’s a weak title, but I’m hoping it’s win-some enough to win-some readers. Besides, my original title was a mis-heard song lyric, and no one would have gotten it anyway. In my estimation, lame is better than “just plain wrong!”

But I digress (as always).

Much to my dismay, someone on Facebook posted a photo of the first Fall leaf they’d seen in New England this year, and it’s (checks watch) August 6th! Really??

“Heaven help us!” I thought. “Will Winter be soon upon us?”

And then I remembered. I don’t have to worry about Winter anymore. I live in the great State of Florida, where oranges grow and tourists flourish!

Back in Maine, the prospect of Winter had grown more and more dreadful to me each year. Emphasis on the dread. The previous two years had really outdone themselves, with record snowfalls and frigid temperatures.  So in the Summer of ’15 I said “Nevermore!” and got on a fast track of getting rid of my things, literally giving away most of what I had, and keeping just enough to fit into my Ford Focus. I just could not take another snowstorm, another head-itching hat, another “you’ll be towed if you don’t move your cah!”

And I had known for a while that God was moving me on. It wasn’t just the weather. It was my heart. So I started making plans for my escape. I was Florida bound! And here I am! I arrived in Jacksonville in October of last year, and have not had one regret.

Okay, maybe some. I miss my friends and family, my church, the Spring and Summer in Maine. Susan’s Fish and Chips. Amato’s Italian Sandwiches…

Doesn’t it always come down to food, lol.

Besides, Winter here in Florida is COLD! But it’s worth it, it’s worth it! Not bikini weather, but that’s okay; you won’t see me in a bikini this side of glory anyway! Ok, ever!

Then again, I’m not living in the Southern part of Florida. Some even tell me that Jacksonville isn’t Florida. It’s fine, I believe I’m where God wants me to be. I’ve found a good church, some writing buddies, and some good friends. God is good.

But having seen the picture of that red spotted leaf, I have mixed feelings. I have taken so many pictures of Fall colors; I adore the smell of those leaves, the proverbial crunch underfoot, and the first few nips of cold on my nose. I went through the same pangs of regret when I heard about the flowers up there this Spring, the many hikes and activities, and the Summertime blue of the ocean. Yes, there are beautiful beaches here, but they’re not like the rocky crags of Maine, her pebbled shores, and the ice ice cold of her waters. Here, there aren’t many white sails, lazy fishing boats, and lush green islands rising up against the horizon. It’s pretty, but it’s different.

So if I sound a little sappy, indulge me, if you will; it’s rare. Most of the time I’m really happy with being in Florida. I finally get my Florida Orange license plate! I get to be that irritating tourist behind the wheel! Finally I am where I’ve wanted to be for so many years, and God has been so good to me! I enjoy the adventure of “I’ve never been there! Let’s go!” And of finally giving in to God’s will.

But I don’t plan on getting over the things I’ve left behind. I miss my BFF beyond measure, and other friends. My church “Up North” cannot be duplicated; I wouldn’t even try.

And those Italian sandwiches…



Writing is as writers do

I’m channeling Forrest Gump’s “Stupid is as stupid does,” chiding myself for not writing what I’m “supposed to be” writing, and instead imposing my whining upon you, Dear Reader.

I worked on my writing a lot last month during Nano Camp (related to “National Novel Writing Month). It’s a young adult Christian novel, speaking of imposing. The stupid thing insists upon being written, though I am NOT a young adult novelist, nor even a novelist, really, if being published counts. I had started the book back in February? April? November? I forget … and had gotten in I think 15,000 words. So, for the July Nano Camp I brought it up to around 50k. It’s still a mess! I bought Scrivener, so I am hoping to get it into a more cohesive mess. One can hope.

But back to my point. I am looking online for spreadsheets to help me chart my lack of progress … HAHAHA! I came across this one, the Wrting And Revision Tracker by Jamie Raintree, and it looks good. And then there’s always Facebook, if I run out of ideas for putting things off. There’s also eating, bathing, and cleaning. 

The point again being that I’m not writing, yet, this month! And I really want to. There are probably another 10k words to be written, and a major rewrite/edit that needs to be done. There is a contest I’d like to enter with it (drums fingers). But here I am talking to you, sigh.

Anyway all this to say hi, there, my name is Procrastination, and how are you?

Seriously, how are you?


And you give yourself away…


I have thought about writing a blog post many times since the last time I wrote a blog post. There’s a “should” about it, of course, after all, Dear Faithful Reader, I have left you in the lurch…

And there’s the “should” of, it’s good for me, and I’m a halfway decent writer, so…

And the “should” of, well I have lots to say! (Trust me, I do!)

And the “should” of, I’ve already spoken of my paranoias, the fear of who shall see it and either use it against me or know too much about me, or draw too many conclusions…

Ok, that isn’t exactly a “should” thing… more of a should not thing. But regardless, as in “real life” – I shut my mouth  😦

Which is WAY counterproductive!!! How mentally healthy is it to shut my mouth, whether in real life, or whether in using the gift I so love using – writing!


So, in answer to the questions you might ask me:

  1. Still glad I moved to Florida
  2. It’s very hot now, but I don’t mind it.
  3. This thing doesn’t want to format into 1. a.b.c. But oh well, how important is that.
  4. No I don’t have a boyfriend yet lol
  5. I do have a wonderful church now, it’s called Central Baptist Church, it’s in Orange Park, FL, and the pastor and the people are awesome.
  6. The pastor and his wife, having met with me, and having heard, really heard, who I am, and what my limitations are, assigned me a ministry. It is sending greeting cards to visitors, and to people God puts on my heart who may need encouragement.
  7. I feel like this is cheating, not having “7 ministries” (I keep saying but was I really?), and always feeling like I didn’t do them well enough.
  8. I feel that way too with the one ministry I do have – but I just force myself to deal with that. lol…
  9. I have not been able to stay on a good health regime in regard to my weight and exercise and nutrition. My NORMAL in other words lol.
  10. I have a “psychiatrist to prescribe my meds,” she s a Nurse Practitioner and basically prescribes the way I tell her to lol. My meds are the same as I used to take up North, and I’m still basically stable. A low level of depression but better that than hypo or all-out mania.
  11. As to counseling, I had an awesome counselor for a few months (miss you Tina!), but insurance refuses to acknowledge her.
  12. So I have not really wanted to try to get another one. Probably could use one but … (shrug)
  13. My writing is coming along. During this (July’s) Nanocamp, I am staying with it and am meeting local people who also are staying with it. So I have probably 3/4 of a young adult Christian novel written. “What?? Young adult??” Yeah, that’s exactly what I said! NOT my niche but apparently it wants to be written.
  14. My son, my son! Last but not least, he is happy! He has a sweet girlfriend and they are cohabiting, yeah, I’m not crazy about that part, I’d rather they would get married first (did I tell you she is sweet? And I am right in love with her 5 y.o. son!), but oh well, I am so glad he is happy. He also has a great job that he likes!! So life is good for him thank You God, and please be with them and help them!!
  15. And really not last or least, God. He is so present in my life, and tolerant, and I don’t know why He listens to my prayers, but apparently He does, and I just want to live (better) for Him!

So I guess that’s about it, hope that helps me get on a roll with writing here. I really do enjoy the interaction w/ everyone and I hope you are ok! Sorry I have been remiss, not just with saying my side, but in listening to yours.



p.s. The title, well I guess I did not really address that part. Oh well, maybe next time. Ha ha! Have fun listening to the song anyway!

♪♫ Here come those tears again

(5/31/15) (Completed 1/7/16)(Procrastinate much?)

Here come those tears again … Well, hopefully not too many tears.

See, I’m trying the food and fitness thing again. So far so good, 4 lb, which I suppose is better than nothing (do my clothes fit better? can I breathe better? Neh…)

And of course, being Spring, my thoughts have turned to romance …


OK – that is as far as I got back in May, for both this post and for the fitness thing…

And the romance, for that matter.

Now here it is January and I started the fitness thing again back in December.

Now for the waah:

  1. Do I have to do this again??
    Yes, the doctor put me on a diet. And not just a diet. A low carb diet. Dang! Doesn’t he know it doesn’t work, that you are just going to cheat and end up even fatter? Doesn’t he know it is bad for the body? and worst of all, doesn’t he know that this often swings me into hypomania? But (here’s the re-BUT-tal… now I see where that word come from!) I have been doing it for over a month, not perfectly of course, and it is going pretty well. WITH exercise!
  2. I had such a horrible craving for cake last nite!
    What prompted it? Seeing a picture of birthday cake.
    I used to buy a whole cake at the grocery store and almost flaunt it as I plopped it down at the register. I figured if I looked happy they would think I was buying it for a birthday boy or girl.
    So why don’t I just have one piece? Ah, in theory that would be great! Except for that mildly addictive (and that’s putting it mildly) personality of mine.
  3. I was going to do housework but have an overwhelming urge to nap. Which would be fine except …
  4. The maintenance people have a generator going right outside my door, the volume of which overrides the white noise of the fan I would generally have going while I sleep.
  5. I’m still not going to do housework.
    So there. Cuz you know once I start, I will keep going til it’s all done (Remember that “mildly” thing?) I just don’t want to do all that. Even though that sense of pride and accomplishment would be so good. Nope, nuh uh. Not going to.
  6. I have to pee again, dang it!
  7. I’m sure there is a seven because I felt so whiny when I started this post.
  8. But at least I did accomplish something!

In Honor and Homage to the Orange

Congratulations to me on finally achieving official residence! Who knew that beyond paying for a month’s rent with security, you would have to pay almost as much to legitimately say you belong to the Orange Club!

Florida’s procedure for you to get your Florida driver’s license and registration is not hard, if you go at it three different times with three different sets of paperwork. And if the second time you end up at the doctor’s office scaring your friends half to death in the process (see previous blog post). Yep, fun for all.

But I digress. I got it! Homely picture and all! I expect I will make a concerted effort not to be caught speeding, because that poor Officer of the Law is going to drop dead laughing …While I disappear into the floorboard in humiliation. I know, I know, they said smile, not grimace! But I actually do have a good medical explanation for it…

You know I must tell you there is a very cute joke about two brothers named Home Lee and Ugg Lee … I’ll get around to it some day.

Anyway, in honor of this great milestone, I thought I would mention ten things (or more if I can think of them) that I have noticed about Florida:

  1. Everywhere, the speed limit is 45 mph. It doesn’t matter if you’re in the Publix parking lot, on Blanding Boulevard, or on one of the many “short cuts” through neighborhoods to get to said Publix. This speed limit is mostly seen In Writing but if it says something besides 45 then it is In Code.
  2. No matter the weather, people are going to wear flip flops. One of my friends jokes about having fur-lined flip flops in the winter, as it does on a rare occasion hit 32 degrees … Wait. You aren’t joking? Friends, she’s not joking. Those are fur-lined and they are worn.
  3. You don’t have to be in the closet if you’re a Christian. I’m told this is typical of anything below the Bible Belt but I am just in awe. “Merry Christmas!” is written across store windows. “God bless you!” is said by more than half of the cashiers as you go to leave the store.  Christ-mas music – about Jesus –  is playing on the Christian music station – in the POST OFFICE LOBBY! One Federal – FEDERAL – employee, we won’t say where –  wearing two pieces of cross-shaped jewelry says to you, loud enough for all to hear, that Jesus IS the reason for the season! Wow! And no-body blinks an eye! I love it!
  4. Ma’am and Sir. I marvel at it. These people call ME Ma’am. They don’t even know whether I qualify, it’s just Ma’am this, Ma’am that. When I pointed the “ma’am” out to a couple of ladies, both of them said their mamas would be disappointed in them if they did otherwise. Wow, up North, I’m sorry, but most people don’t seem to care what their mamas would say. Not. One. Whit.
  5. They also call you Sweetie, Honey, and Baby (yes, Baby!) whether they know you or not. Again, nobody blinks an eye.
  6. There really aren’t palm trees everywhere, it really isn’t sunny every day. In fact, it seems to rain at least once every day. But, it’s beautiful every day.
  7. They don’t use turn signals. Even more than they don’t in New England.
  8. Even here, some wise guy is going to put up Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving. I’m not knockin’ it, my own tree was up on November 20th this year!
  9. We already knew this, but … there are no Amato’s Real Italian Sandwich Shops.  😦 Just sayin’ …
  10. I like it here.  😀