Tag Archives: Asking for Help

Vertigo (Should be, VertiSTOP)

Ok, to satisfy your soul, Vertigo:

A San Francisco detective suffering from acrophobia investigates the strange activities of an old friend’s wife, all the while becoming dangerously obsessed with her.

Director: Alfred Hitchcock

Stars: James Stewart, Kim Novak,

I’ll let you look up the word Acrophobia. I think I know the definition but I want to get to what you REALLY want to hear about:

ME!

Last night I did not sleep very well. As happens sometimes when I don’t get enough sleep, I am a little groggy and dizzy the next day from the meds I have taken the night before (especially the dang Benadryl, I think). But, no biggie – a little coffee, a little fresh air and time, no sweat.
Well, I have some fresh eggs they gave me at church last nite, I take them and a coffee to a friend, Linda. And of course I get a coffee for myself; after all, it is Dunkin, and I am dressed and out the door. So, naturally.

Anyway, I go to the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles). I’m all excited because I finally have all the paperwork I need to transfer my license and registration to Florida’s. It has taken forevahhh!! One site said I could use either my divorce paper OR marriage license, so I send for the divorce paper, and come to find out no no, they want the marriage license. It takes literally a month to get each one. Between that and the knowledge that it’s going to cost a mint to change them over, yeah. I am just anxious to get this whole thing over with.

So anyway I get to the DMV, about 10 minutes from my friend’s house. My plan is to get out of the car about 20 minutes ahead of time and wait in line til the DMV opens. I got my coffee, I got my paperwork, I’m alllll set. The earlier you get there, theoretically the fewer people you will have in front of you.

Hey, it works in Maine.

And then it really hits me. Jeepers! Man! Sooo dizzy!

So, I sits and I sits and I sits some more in the car. I chug the whole large coffee. No help. In fact, the dizziness keeps getting worse and worse. I try anyway to get out and stand in line.

While I stand there trying to look like a normal person, I imagine them looking deep into my eyes from behind the counter saying “What are you ON, Woman!” and then giving a nod to the officers on duty. Them carting me off to the klink. Arresting me, taking my keys, losing my paperwork; the whole nine yards.
But I’ll be fine, I think to myself.
Yeah right, I counter… you’re a mess!!
After arguing with myself for about 10 minutes I go back to the car.  I have no legs to stand on. I’m weavy and dizzy and the feeling is not unlike the first time you get really drunk and have to lie down on the bed with your eyes closed – or  does that make it worse?? – and pray that you don’t puke. And one of your friends tells you that if you keep one foot on the floor you won’t throw up. Like that ever worked. I have been sober since I was 25, and I’m 56 now; I stillll remember. Oh yes.
So, I sit in the car under the Florida sun for 2 hours waiting for the feeling to pass. I can’t drive, even 25 feet away to a shady spot. I feel bad enough to want to call an ambulance because I am just trapped there! And beginning to get worried. I pray, bemoaning the fact that I WANT this car stuff done, I WANT my Florida orange license plate! Do you know how long I have been wanting that?? Poor God, probably covering His ears thinking, there goes Kat again, whining that she wants what she wants and she wants it now!! Ya know, Kat these are LUXURY problems … what about the missionaries trying to get by? What about the people who are sick or have lost loved ones, or don’t have the money to do what you are doing? Can you remember what it used to be like for you? Aren’t you being a little bit ungrateful? How about a lot ungrateful!
Now mind you the Florida sun today is not horridly hot, it is just burny. The temp outside is probably 70* but, you know, in the car, with no breeze etc., it is considerably warmer. I am feeling like a dog or a kid left behind for “just a few minutes.” Ok, I have air conditioning. I’m FINE. But the impact of the sun on my face is  pretty significant. And I can’t go anywhere. I can turn my body away from the sun but it’s not much help.
So I start texting my best friend up in Maine. I tell her what’s going on. About the dizziness. How I can hardly stand up, never mind walk, etc etc. Finally, I confess the whole truth: that I’m sitting in a parking lot and can’t go anywhere.
Of course, she can’t do anything from 1103 miles away (but who’s counting), but for some reason having her on the line makes it possible to figure out what I need to do. It is such a helpless feeling to know I can’t help her when she is up in Maine. Now the roles are in reverse.
Finally, I figure out that I can I call my friend Kim down here in Florida. I really only have two friends down here so far, friends that I could call for help, and one of them doesn’t have a car. So. Lucky Kim. It is SO hard to ask for help. I basically have to be desperate to ask. If she was the one asking I’d be there in a heartbeat but I hate hate hate to have to ask!!
So anyway, Kim comes and takes me to the Drs. Later, she and her son arrange to bring my car back to my apartment. So way above and beyond, I am so thankful!
The Dr. is new to me but he is good. So I get all checked out and everything is fine. BP, pulse, temperature, blood sugar, etc etc.
So he starts talking about vertigo. He talks like it isn’t a big deal, I mean, I suppose as long as you don’t insist upon getting behind the wheel of a dangerous weapon it isn’t a big deal. Just go lie down and you will get over it.
Basically it is benign and there is not a lot you can do about it or take for it. He showed me some exercises I can practice that will help me to cope with it. Some of these have to do with lining up the molecules in your inner ear or something like that. Shall we say  they will help you get a little equilibrium in your vestibulum or something like that? Ha ha…  But really my main concern throughout the whole thing was to know that I was ok, and he was able to reassure me. So I was happy.
So, now that you are all up to snuff, and have heard enough, I’ll tell you what acrophobia is. It’s a fear of heights.
You didn’t actually think I would leave you hanging, did you?

Help!

Whoever would have thought Johnny Cash would have a song like this? But actually the guy I consider “The King Of Country” is a really deep guy. This song shows that really we need help with pretty much everything.

Here are the things that I need help with

1. Not ending a sentence with a preposition (haha)

Ok let’s start over. These are things with which I need help:

1. Saying no

2. Deciding whom I should help, and to what degree!(Those two things cause me no end of frustration!!!)

3. How to deal with anger, anxiety, and depression.

4. Pressing on even when it feels like I am getting nowhere.

5. Even taking my meds! Although with resignation I take them.

6. Asking people for help

7. Not spending all my money (besides on bills) at the beginning of the month

8. Keeping a positive attitude

9. Investing in the future – my health, my education, my daily tasks

10. Asking God for help with all these things and more.

It’s funny because when I was listening to the song I thought of several things so maybe I will try again while listening:

1. To walk another mile

2. Smiling

3. “Taking it” (life) for one more day

4. Asking God to be with me

5. Releasing the chains that bind me

6. Following God’s plan

7. Being humble

8. Praying

9. Doing all of the above with God’s wisdom, not my own

Maybe, dear Reader, it seems like I do most of these things, but really, some of the things I write are actually me being a cheerleader for myself. For example if I say it is necessary to read the Bible, I’m reminding myself, read your Bible. I may say, ask for help, but I am the worst at it lol… Maybe I suggest you pray about things, but honestly I need to make myself do those things.

Annnnnyway, I really like this song. It made me tearful, because I forget that God will help me with the simplest things, if I ask. And sometimes He will when I don’t, lol…

THANK YOU to http://addictionplace.net/ — I like his blogs. He is just an ordinary guy trying to stay sober and help other people to do the same. He’s not a religious nut like me (lol) just straightforward about his recovery. Here is what it says about his “About” page:

Addiction Place is a place to research and learn about mental health and addiction.

I’m a father, husband, brother and a son who lives a successful life with Bipolar and Addiction Disorder. I’ve been a special education teacher for 13 years and a high school baseball coach for 6 of those years.

Twelve years ago, I went to Hazelden Treatment Center for the first time to face my alcohol addition.

After a year and a half, I relapsed and 6 years later, I was back in rehab at La Hacienda Treatment Center.

I have now been in active recovery for almost 4 years and I aspire to be an addiction counselor and a writer.

Addiction Place has a website called Self Help Survival Store.