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The Sound of Silence

Silence like a cancer grows …” Paul Simon

Well, I suppose that is true. I don’t speak (= don’t write), therefore it leads to not speaking, and then it is harder to speak again. The silence grows and the cancer is the self- talk that goes on – “No one wants to hear what you have to say.” Or, “You don’t want them to know what you are thinking.” I don’t know which cancer is worse, and I really didn’t think of it as a cancer until those lyrics occurred to me …

The impetus for this blog post is one by a blogging friend, who says that her silence comes from a need to recover. I suppose that is partly true in my case (Recover from what, though? But I feel broken).

But unlike her, the recovery comes when I do write. When I am silent, i.e., not writing, but I suppose this includes not confiding verbally, I am withdrawing into myself, more depressed.

I did ask my NP (Nurse Practitioner) to help me deal with the increase in depression, which I am experiencing “a little bit,” and she upped my Abilify (which I have to be very gentle with – it can be very touchy!)

The other song that came to mind in reflecting about the quiet is a hymn we often sing during the altar invitation time at church:

Silently now I wait for Thee,
Ready, my God, Thy will to see;
Open my eyes, illumine me,
Spirit Divine!

So, silence is not so great, haha, if it means that the Holy Spirit will tell me what to do next (“Write, Kathleen!“). I don’t want to hear. La la la la … (index fingers firmly planted in both ears…). I am living a spiritual life, praying, reading my Bible, spending time with other Christian friends, but I am guarded somehow, lately.

Eh, and I thought my not blogging was just a laziness thing, but maybe not. And I do know you don’t mind hearing from me, at least, a number of you have said so. Somehow, that thought makes me feel tearful.

I had no idea, really, that I was feeling this melancholy. I’m really not! But apparently, it’s in there! (“Ragu: It’s In There!”)

So, I suppose I should keep writing.

I am toying with the idea of participating in July’s Nano Camp (see link if you are unfamiliar). Since we are allowed to set our own goals for it, I think I will work on my old work- in- progress one day, and alternate the next with a new work (featuring Vernon and Maggie Burke, an older couple who have an illustrious past …).

So, I guess I’ll see ya.

 

The Sound of Silence,” Written by Paul Simon.

Open My Eyes That I May See,” Words and Music by Clara H. Scott

(Okay, the song really does touch my heart, sigh …)

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More on Edison, less on coffee …

(I’ll explain. and re: the photo, no I do not iron, but I do do that backwards salute quite often.)

This morning I woke up and half-consciously pushed the button to my coffee maker, and,

nothing happened.

Or rather, a lot happened. I pushed the button off, then on again. Plugged and unplugged it. Tried another outlet. Opened the top to make sure there was water in the reservoir. Wiggled the rubber doo dah through which the water is supposed to glug glug push push …

And nearly cried.

And then I remembered that all I have is $3. on my credit card. IF indeed the card would actually go through with only $3. on it. Which, historically, might not.

Whined about it in a joking manner on Facebook.

Then let people know I really WAS NOT kidding.

Got a number of ha ha’s, and two people offered to buy me a new maker.

Either they love me, or they are afraid of me.

Ate breakfast, then decided to try the credit card at Dunkin Donuts, where it did (PRAISE THE LORD!) work!

Came home and posted that I had spend said $3. on Dunkin Donuts.

And as the Bible says, a number of people who had grieved with me then celebrated with me.

Then I finished the coffee, played on facebook some more, then did the Bible reading I was unable to think about doing until I was properly caffeinated. Listened to some spiritual music including:

which made me cry, as always. I spent some time in prayer, still crying. I have issues. Did you know I have issues? lol…

Then started reading some of the emails I had in my inbox, made a few replies, and then posted to one of the reply-ers:

Thomas Edison‘s teachers said he was “too stupid to learn anything.” He was fired from his first two jobs for being “non-productive.” As an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. When a reporter asked, “How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?” Edison replied, “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”

This is a little different from the quote I posted in another of my blogs. Anyway it is still a good way of looking at all our failures and false starts.

I guess.

Well anyway, hope y’all are having a good day. Mine started rather jerkily and un-thankfully, but I am doing ok now.