Tag Archives: morning

Great Expectations?

Happy Sunday!

I came across a quote this morning that I really liked:

“Whatever you want to do, do it now. There are only so many tomorrows.”

– Michael Landon 

I like that quote, don’t you?

Speaking of “do it now,” my bucket list is real simple: Get through the day, and go to Paris. That’s not asking much, right?

This morning as I was cooking up some scrambled eggs, I noticed that I was also cooking the lid of the plastic (!!!) container I use for butter!

Sadness! Quickly I grabbed the lid and moved the pan of eggs, then checked to see if any of the melted plastic had adhered to the pan.

Nope. Thank You God! Yes, that was a prayer of thanksgiving, because, had it melted onto the pan, I’d have been more sad. 😦

The lid of the butter thing was quickly repaired (the hole covered with a piece of shipping tape), and put back in the fridge. I did not say it was well repaired. Just repaired. Anyway …

I also want to share another thought I read this morning from La vie est trop courte pour boire du mauvais vin

Noooo I have not taken up drinking wine, but I do like reading the different accounts of his travels, and looking at his photos.

His quote today:

It doesn’t matter how tatty your wings are… If you can fly… FLY!

The word “tatty” makes me think of the word “tattered,” or “damaged.” Check out the page and you’ll see the tattered butterfly that goes with the quote. Funnily enough, there is a French phrase, “Quelle dommage,” which sounds like the word “damage,” and can mean “What a shame!” or “What a pity!” But way down on the list of translations is the phrase, “How damaged!” So, let’s say that it means that… ok? And let’s fly!

Don’t mind me. It’s morning, which means, before noon, which means (speaking of flying) flight of ideas! It means you’ve got to expect a little less. Not only is it morning! Worse, it’s before 7 a.m! So you really need to expect less!

So, let’s fly! We may have tattered wings, as in the photo, but we can fly!

(Looks at the clock). No, really, let’s fly! It’s time for church!

(Flies off, flapping wings …)

* Michael Landon quote from Ritu at BUT I SMILE ANYWAY — Thank you Ritu!]

Wake up, Little Suzie … ♪♫

Ordinarily, I make sure I am awake enough to make sense: to write stellar prose, to present myself the way that I most want to … In other words, to be something I’m not? Wait wait wait, don’t say that out loud.

It is interesting being part of this blog world. I read things written by people I would never have met otherwise. I am alternately impressed, blessed, depressed, or stressed … (oh I don’t want to say “alternately.” What’s a better word? Help me out, guys…)

Now as part of recovery from being a person with bipolar, I am supposed to surround myself with positive people and energy. Stay in the Bible, instead of the World, be a helper bee… in other words, create a reality in which I do not necessarily exist?

Oh dear, I am not making a whole lot of sense, which is why I usually wait until I am awake … but no, this is me being real…

I read a lot of people who are very very depressed! And I find myself nodding my head a lot!

I want to sit next to them and cry.

Or, make them feel better.

And then someone wrote about faith, or a lack thereof.

And it made me think.

I am (quote) “a person of faith.” I “do” the things one is supposed to do if one is a person of faith. Either it demonstrates that I am, or it helps me to be one.

One of my favorite pictures I’ve posted is the one that says my track record for getting through days is 100% so far.

And really, I have to think that’s got to be God. Because if it was up to me, I probably wouldn’t be here. I would either have acted on those way-too-many urges to off myself, or I’d be drinking, or some such thing.

But God has protected me from that. And perhaps also from getting into the kinds of situations that might aggravate those feelings. (Cough: Relationships! Cough cough)..

(Pause)

One thing I do, here and on Facebook, is share the things that are helping me to get by. I don’t know that what I share is necessarily what I am feeling at the time. ie, victorious, or able to do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. But one thing that helps me, for example, is a scripture page for depression. Or maybe I am having a lot of anxiety. The great thing about looking at these pages is that there may be only one verse that helps me get through the day, or that I remember being helpful for something else. The point sometimes is just getting through the day!

(Edited to add:  My friends are instrumental! And I have one in particular who has been with me for for almost 25 years! She is not even one of “us,” but she gets it [and loves me anyway]).

Now as I explained, I haven’t been awake long enough, really, to know how I feel today, other than, clearly, I am confused, haha (there’s an “app” for that one, too, lol). Sigh….

Some might say that I can choose how I feel. Or, that I shouldn’t allow my feelings to determine how I, um, feel. (ha ha, I had no idea that page existed). 

The worst, as someone else pointed out today, is when someone tells me I “should” be happy (I am NOT going to link to that one, probably to your great and utter joy). Or, worse, there are people who, inevitably, will tell me of the various and sundry reasons why I “should” be happy. Well I know that I “should” be happy!!! Isn’t that what depression is?? Why do you think I’m so upset??? Yes I know there are people who have it worse, I know there are people who don’t have Christ, for example, or a home, or food, or or or… ERRR that ERRRRKS me (get it? irks/erks … aren’t I clever….)

Honestly? This is not what I planned for this page to say.

But, I figured I had to write something – after all, you might start to worry about me, as I sometimes do you.

And, this is what my brain came up with.

I’m still sleeping, but I am a bit less confused. There is progress.

*********

I tagged “morning pages” and Julia Cameron, partly because what I wrote here could be considered “morning pages.” (But no; I edited this post too much to call it that!) She has written several books, one of which is called The Artists’ Way. The Artists’ Way is a book for those of us who are creative (painters, writers, street sweepers, whatever you are), But we can’t seem to allow ourselves to express that creativity. I strongly recommend the book. One of her suggestions is to write 3 pages, or “morning pages,” as soon as you wake up, not worrying about flow or grammar, or whether it makes sense or not. It’s kind of like “bleeding the pipe” and getting rid of the sediment that’s been sitting there. Flush it out, and the true creativity begins to flow. Writing these pages is really helpful. I may or may not start doing them again.